Thought for Today,
Laughter is an instant vacation.
Brain Transplant
In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre.
“I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news” he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
“The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It’s an experimental procedure, quite risky, and you’ll have to pay for the brain yourselves.”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. At length, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?”
The doctor quickly responded, “A female brain goes for $20,000. A male brain costs $50,000.”
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A girl, unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why does the male brain cost so much more?”
The doctor smiled at her childish innocence and then said to the entire group,
“It’s a standard pricing procedure. We mark the female brains down because they’re used.”
10 Reasons God Created Eve
10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because He knew men would never ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don’t want to see what is on TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on TV.
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor’s appt for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to someone to bear children because men would never be able to handle it.
4. As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The Scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, “It is not good for man to be alone”, he only ends up getting himself in trouble.
And the NUMBER ONE reason…
1. When God finished the creation of Adam he stepped back, scratched his head and said, “I can do better than that.”
The Difference Between Men and Women
While eating out and the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20 even though the bill is only $22.50. None will have anything smaller, and none will admit they want change back. When girls get the bill out come the calculators.
With money a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 dollar item she doesn’t want.
In a bathroom a man has 5 items. A toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Holiday Inn. A women has on average 337 items in her bathroom. A man would not be able to identify most of these Items.
In arguments a woman has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
A women worries about the future until she gets a husband. A husband doesn’t worry about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, and read a book. A man will get dressed up for weddings and funerals.
Questions for God
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
“Sure,” GOD says, “Go right ahead”.
“OK,” the man says. “Why did you make women so pretty?”
GOD says, “So you would like them.”
“OK,” the guy says. “But how come you made them so beautiful?”
“So you would LOVE them”, GOD replies.
The man ponders a moment and then asks, “But why did you make them such airheads?”
GOD says, “So they would love you!”
Dogs are Better Than Men
Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you are gone.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs understand what “NO” means.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
When dogs play “fetch”, they don’t laugh at how you throw.
Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside.
Point of View: Are Both True?
An English professor wrote the words, “A woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
THE WIDOW’S WOOD AND FLOUR–THE UNBELIEVING ONES MADE SPEECHLESS.
The following instance is known to The Christian as true, and to a remarkable degree indicates how thoroughly God knows our minutest needs, and how effectively He makes those who ever reproach His name ashamed of their unbelief.
“A friend and relative of the one who was “a widow indeed,” one who trusted in God, and continued in supplications and prayers day and night, was once brought unto circumstances of peculiar straightness and trial. She had two daughters, who exerted themselves with their needles to earn a livelihood; and at that time they were so busily engaged in trying to finish some work that had long been on their hands, they had neglected to make provision for their ordinary wants, until they found themselves one winter’s day in the midst of a New England snow-storm, with food and fuel almost exhausted, at a distance from neighbors, and without any means of procuring needful sustenance.
“The daughters began to be alarmed, and were full of anxiety at the dismal prospect; but the good old mother said: ‘Don’t worry, girls, the Lord will provide; we have enough for today, and tomorrow may be pleasant;’ and in this hope the girls settled down again to their labor.
“Another morning came, and with it no sunshine, but wind and snow in abundance. The storm still raged, but no one came near the house, and all was dark and dismal without.
Noon came, and the last morsel of food was eaten, the wood was almost gone, and there was no token of any relief for their necessities. The girls became much distressed, and talked anxiously of their condition, but the good mother said: ‘Don’t worry, the Lord will provide.’
“But they had heard that story the day before, and they knew not the strong foundation upon which that mother’s trust was builded, and could not share the confidence she felt.
If we get anything today the Lord will have to bring it Himself, for nobody can get here if he tries,’ said one of the daughters, impatiently; but the mother said: ‘Don’t worry.’ And so they sat down again to their sewing, the daughters to muse upon their necessitous condition, and the mother to roll her burden on the Everlasting Arms.
“Now mark the way in which time Lord came to their rescue, and just at this moment of extremity, put it into the heart of one of His children to go and carry relief. Human nature at such a time would never have ventured out in such a storm, but waited for a pleasant day. But Divine Wisdom and power made him carry just what was needed, in the face of adverse circumstances, and just at the time it was needed.
“Mr. M. sat at his fireside, about a mile away, surrounded by every bounty and comfort needed to cheer his heart, with his only daughter sitting by his side.
“For a long time not a word had been spoken, and he had seemed lost in silent meditation, till at length he said: “Mary, I want you to go and order the cattle yoked, and then get me a bag. I must go and carry some wood and flour to Sister C.’
“‘Why, father, it is impossible for you to go. There is no track, and it is all of a mile up there. You would almost perish.’
“The old man sat in silence a few moments, and said: “I must go.’ She knew her father too well to suppose that words would detain him, and so complied with his wishes. While she held the bag for him, she felt perhaps a little uneasiness to see the flour so liberally disposed of, and said: ‘I wish you would remember that I want to give a poor woman some flour if it ever clears off.’ The old man under-stood the intimation, and said: ‘Mary, give all you feel it ditty to, and when the Lord says stop, I will do so.’
“Soon all things were ready, and the patient oxen took their way to the widow’s home, wallowing through the drifted snow, and dragging the sled with its load of wood and flour. About 4 o’clock in the afternoon, the mother had arisen from her work to fix the fire, and looking out of the window, she saw the oxen at the door, and she knew that the Lord had heard her cry.
She said not a word—–why should she? She was not surprised – but, presently, a heavy step at the threshold caused the daughters to look up with astonishment, as Mr. M. strode unceremoniously into the room, saying ‘The Lord told me, Sister C., that you wanted some wood and flour.’
“He told you the truth,” said the widow, “and I will praise Him forever.”
“What think you now, girls?”‘ she continued, as she turned in solemn joy to her unbelieving daughters.
They were speechless; not a word escaped their lips but they pondered that new revelation of the providential mercy of the Lord, until it made upon their minds an impression never to be effaced.
“ From that hour they learned to trust in Him who cares for His needy in the hour of distress, and who, from His boundless stores, supplies the wants of those who trust in Him. “ – Answers to Prayer.
Tags: #devotions
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