Random Robby Ramblings – Fireworks Style

Why aren’t there any Independence Day knock knock jokes?  Cuz freedom \*Rings\*

This Independence Day, please remember it’s not “firecracker,” that term is very offensive to some people. It’s “fire-caucasian.” Thank you.

Independence

Brenda had been stressing the importance of independence to her granddaughter, Shila, 7, while they were waiting for the 4th of July fireworks to begin.

She felt she had made her point until Shila thoughtfully said, “You know Nana, you can live without your independence. Amber’s doctor took out her independence and she’s still living.”

Lincoln, Do the Thing!!! (4th of July Joke)

So, it’s the 4th of July night at Mount Rushmore and all four dead presidents are gathered around a campfire having a party. They’re drinking and eating and just generally having a grand ol’ time when President Washington puts President Lincoln on the spot.

W: “Hey, heyyyy, Lincoln, do that thing you do!
L: “What now? What thing?”

W: “Lincoln, do the thing! The speech! You know, the thing!!!!”

L: “Ohhh, yeah, the speech. Yeah, that thing. Nah, I can’t. Can’t remember the words.”

W: “Whaddya mean you can’t remember the words??? It’s the speech; you’ve said it a million times!!! You’ve got that like burned in your brain, right?!!”

L: “Well, yeah, normally, sure, I’ve got it memorized, but that was four s’mores and seven beers ago!!!”

It’s Known as the Mount Rushmore Monumental Disaster

Picture Perfect 4th Of July

Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still…

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In *da* pendent

George Washington & The Outhouse

Once, in the 1820’s, a little boy called Sam was playing in the yard behind his house. During his pretend fighting game, he knocked over the outhouse.
Now Sam was upset and worried that he would get into trouble so he ran into the woods and didn’t come out until after got dark. When he arrived back home, his pappy was waiting for him. He asked suspiciously, “Son, did you knock over the outhouse this afternoon?”

“No, pappy,” Sam lied.

“Well, let me tell you a story,” said the father. “Once, not that long ago, Mr Washington received a shiny new axe from his father. Excited, he tried it out on a tree, swiftly cutting it down. But as he looked at the tree, with dismay he realized it was his mother’s favorite cherry tree,” his pappy paused.” just like you, he ran into the woods. When he returned, his pappy asked, “George, did you cut down the cherry tree?” George answered with, ‘Father, I cannot tell a lie. I did indeed chop down the tree.’ Then his father said, ‘Well, since you were honest with me, you are spared from punishment. I hope you have learned your lesson, though.’ So,” the Sam’s father asked again,” did you knock down the outhouse?”

“Pappy, I cannot tell a lie any more.” said the little boy. “I did indeed knock down the outhouse.”

Then his pappy father spanked Sam boy red, white, and blue. The boy whimpered, “Pappy, I told you the truth! Why did you spank me?”

Pappy answered, “That’s because George Washington’s father wasn’t in the tree when he chopped it down!”

Liberty – As American As Apple Pie and The 4th of July

The Inscription on the Statue of Liberty, written by Emma Lazarus
Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me;
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

No King But Jesus!
The Colonists grew in their resilience and confidence in God, to the point where one Crown-appointed Governor wrote of the condition to the Board of Trade back in England: “If you ask an American who is his master? He will tell you he has none, nor any governor but Jesus Christ.”

The Committees of Correspondence soon began sounding the cry across the Colonies: “No King but King Jesus!”

From America’s God and Country Encyclopedia of Quotations, William J. Federer, Fame Publishing.

“It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and the Bible.”
– George Washington

“I speak as a man of the world to men of the world; and I say to you, Search the Scriptures! The Bible is the book of all others, to be read at all ages, and in all conditions of human life; not to be read once or twice or thrice through, and then laid aside, but to be read in small portions of one of two chapters every day, and never to be intermitted, unless by some overruling necessity.”
– John Quincy Adams

“Under God” and the Pledge of Allegiance
The words “under God were taken from Abraham Lincoln’s famous Gettysburg Address, “…that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth…” and were added to the Pledge of Allegiance on June 14, 1954 by a joint resolution of Congress, 243 (Public Law 83-396). (The Pledge was initially adopted by the 79th Congress on December 28, 1945, as Public Law 287.) On June 14, 1954, President Eisenhower signed into law the pledge:

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which is stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

President Eisenhower gave his support to the Congressional Act, which added the phrase, “under God” to the Pledge of Allegiance, saying:

“In this way we are reaffirming the transcendence of religious faith in America’s heritage and future; in this way we shall constantly strengthen those spiritual weapons which forever will be our country’s most powerful resource in peace and war.”

President Eisenhower then stood on the steps of the Capitol Building and recited the Pledge of Allegiance for the first time with the phrase, “one nation under God.”

From America’s God and Country Encyclopedia of Quotations, William J. Federer, Fame Publishing.

“In America, nobody says you have to keep the circumstances somebody else gave you.”
– Amy Tan

“My County, ‘Tis of Thee” was written by a Baptist minister, Samuel Francis Smith.
“The Pledge of Allegience” was written in 1892 by a Baptist minister, Francis Bellamy.
The words “In God We Trust” are traced to the efforts of Rev. W.R. Watkinson.
Rev. John Witherspoon, a Presbyterian minister was a signer of the Declaration of Independence.

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we will pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of Liberty.”
– President John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address, Friday, January 20, 1961

“In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility — I welcome it.”
– John F. Kennedy

“Freedom is the last, best hope of earth.”
– Abraham Lincoln

During the dark days of the American Revolution, when the Continental Army had experienced several setbacks, a farmer who lived near the battlefield approached Washington’s camp unheard. Suddenly his ears caught an earnest voice raised in agonizing prayer. On coming nearer he saw it was the great General, down on his knees in the snow, his cheeks wet with tears. He was asking God for assistance and guidance. The farmer crept away and returned home. He said to his family, “Its going to be all right. We are going to win!” “What makes you think so?” his wife asked. “Well,” said the farmer, “I heard General Washington pray out in the woods today—such fervent prayer I have never heard. And God will surely hear and answer that kind of praying.” And the farmer was right! It happened because Washington put his hope in God.

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.” – Thomas Paine

“I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death.”
– Patrick Henry

In June of 1863, just weeks before the battle of Gettysburg, a college president asked Abraham Lincoln if he thought the country would survive. President Lincoln replied: “I do not doubt that our country will finally come through safe and undivided. But do not misunderstand me… I do not rely on the patriotism of our people… the bravery and devotion of the boys in blue… (or) the loyalty and skill of our generals… But the God of our Fathers, Who raised up this country to be the refuge and asylum of the oppressed and the downtrodden of all nations will not let it perish now. I may not live to see it… I do not expect to see it, but God will bring us through safe.”

“Finally, let us not forget the religious character of our origin. Our fathers were brought hither by their high veneration for the Christian religion. They journeyed by its light, and labored in its hope. They sought to incorporate its principles with the elements of their society, and to diffuse its influence through all their institutions, civil, political, or literary. Let us cherish these sentiments, and extend this influence still more widely; in full conviction that that is the happiest society which partakes in the highest degree of the mild and peaceful spirit of Christianity.”
– Daniel Webster.