Kingdom Pursuits Podcast – Click To Listen
CHRISTMAS IQ TEST
Find your Christmas IQ, and forward to friends and family so they can find theirs! No cheating! (That’s not the Christmas spirit! But the answers are at the bottom…) May these precious moments put more sock in your stocking, more egg in your nog, and more curl in your bow…
Each answer is a title from a famous Christmas song:
1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy’s dessert drink (10 points)
2. Why Rudolph can’t get insurance (10 points)
3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent (10 points)
4. He who doesn’t talk at the Round Table (10 points)
5. Southern ladies in AARP (10 points)
Bonus: The song of septuplets (25 points)
1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy’s dessert drink: “Frosty the Snowman” (10 points)
2. Why Rudolph can’t get insurance: “Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer” (10 points)
3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent: “Joy to the World!” (10 points)
4. He who doesn’t talk at the Round Table: “Silent Night (Knight!)” (10 points)
5. Southern ladies in AARP: “Silver Bells (Belles!)” (10 points)
BONUS: The song of septuplets: “What Child is this?” (25 points)
75 points = Some would say you’re a Christmas genius. Others would say you really need to get a life.
50 – 65 points = You probably cheated…but hey, way to go. You must really like “The Far Side”
30 – 40 points = Good job. Your Christmas I.Q. is way above average.
10 – 20 points = You’re normal. Be grateful.
0 points = Thanks for playing. Try again next year…
Random Robby thoughts
If your grandma got run over by a reindeer, you may be entitled to compensation.
One door closes, another opens. One door closes, another opens. One door closes, another opens. — Me, eating through a chocolate Advent Calendar.
A CHRISTMAS LETTER FROM JESUS
When you look for me at Christmas, you won’t need a special star.
I’m no longer just in Bethlehem, I’m right here where you are.
You may not be aware of me amid the celebrations.
You’ll have to look beyond the stores and all the decorations.
But if you take a moment from your list of things to do,
To close your eyes and say a prayer, I’m waiting here for you.
You’re the one I want to be with. You’re the reason that I came!
And you’ll find me in the stillness
Where I’m whispering your name.
The Game of Love
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.
The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, she called him on her phone. “Where are you? the wife said. “You know we have lots to do.”
He replied, “Do you remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace. I couldn’t afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you?”
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up. “Yes, I do remember that shop” she replied.
“Well, I’m in the video game store next to that.”
More True Kids Stories
One day our very talkative four year old walked up to his mommy and said, “I like you,” to which she replied, “I like you too.” Immediately he said, “Speaking of ME…” and went on at great length about what he wanted!
Perhaps just to keep us humble, when my wife or I would be going out the front door, our four-year-old son would call out to us *very loudly*, while the door was wide open and for the whole neighborhood to hear, “Make sure you don’t pick your nose!”
One day at church our four year old turned to his mommy and said, “Mommy, I love you even though you are a big sinner.”
Our four-year-old had been quite sick, so he spent a lot of time lying on the couch watching videos. We realized that he may have been watching too many videos when this happened. We had been trying to teach our baby to crawl down the steps and he was finally doing it. Our four-year-old wanted to see his little brother do it, but he had to go to the bathroom first. When he came out, his little brother was already down the steps, so he said, “Mommy, can you rewind him so I can see him do it again?”
Our four-year-old came upstairs and said to his mom, “There is a bee downstairs.” She replied, “I think it’s a fly.” He insisted that it was a bee, but she confidently replied, “No, I was down there earlier and saw it. It’s a fly.” Not to be swayed, our son quickly replied, “Well, it’s a bee now!”
My four-year-old son told me that it was his stuffed animal’s birthday today. Since this was probably the third birthday this animal had in about as many weeks, I commented that she seems to have a lot of birthdays. He explained, “Well, the older you get, the faster they come!”
I think my wife and I are going to have some trouble: My four-year-old son asked a girl in Sunday school to sit by him. When she asked why, he kissed her. Later I was trying to explain to him about not kissing everyone, just his family. He said, “Well, she wanted me to kiss her.” He paused and then continued, “She didn’t say it, but I think she wanted me to kiss her, so I did.”
Our four-year-old son’s favorite meal is pancakes. This day he had eaten several, but insisted he was still hungry. He was sure he could eat several more. Then I mentioned about being able to go play when he was done eating, and he quickly said, “Daddy, I want to be full now.”
Explaining things to his dear old dad, our five-year-old son said, “Sometimes that happens, and this was a sometimes.”
Trying to teach my five-year-old son the humility he is so good at teaching us, one day during a conversation I said, “There are a lot of things you just don’t know.” He quickly replied, “I know that.”
Sean, my clever 5-year-old, told me that I smell. I was taken aback because I took a shower that morning.
I told the boy that I’d re-shower and scrub harder than ever before. He offered, “If that’s what you want to do.”
I did indeed shower again and smelled fresh and clean. When I came back downstairs, Sean looks at me with a smirk on his face and said, “You still smell!”
“What? Why? HOW?!” I confusedly asked.
Then Sean went in for the kill with, “Because you got a nose… ya big poopy-head!”
Horns of A Dilemma
My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone.
“Hello,” she whispered.
“Hi, Honey. How’s your mother doing?” I asked.
“She’s sleeping,” she answered, again in a whisper.
“Did she go to the doctor?” I asked.
“Yes. She got some medicine,” my niece said softly.
“Well, don’t wake her. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?”
Again in a soft whisper, she answered, “Practicing my trumpet.”
At the typical Christmas dinner, Mom is always yelling, “Get out of my kitchen!”
The grown kids are always yelling at their tiny offspring, “Stop running! You’ll break Grandma’s furniture!”
Dad is always yelling, “Get out of the way! I can’t see the TV set!”
The little ones are yelling, “It’s my toy! Let me play with it!”
This is why this is known as the Holler Day Season.
The Golden Gift
Once upon a time, there was a man who worked very hard just to keep food on the table for his family. This particular year a few days before Christmas, he punished his little five-year-old daughter after learning that she had used up the family’s only roll of expensive gold wrapping paper.
As money was tight, he became even more upset when on Christmas Eve he saw that the child had used all of the expensive gold paper to decorate one shoebox she had put under the Christmas tree. He also was concerned about where she had gotten money to buy what was in the shoebox.
Nevertheless, the next morning the little girl, filled with excitement, brought the gift box to her father and said, “This is for you, Daddy!”
As he opened the box, the father was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, now regretting how he had punished her.
But when he opened the shoebox, he found it was empty and again his anger flared. “Don’t you know, young lady,” he said harshly, “when you give someone a present, there’s supposed to be something inside the package!”
The little girl looked up at him with sad tears rolling from her eyes and whispered: “Daddy, it’s not empty. I blew kisses into it until it was all full.”
The father was crushed. He fell on his knees and put his arms around his precious little girl. He begged her to forgive him for his unnecessary anger.
An accident took the life of the child only a short time later. It is told that the father kept this little gold box by his bed for all the years of his life. Whenever he was discouraged or faced difficult problems, he would open the box, take out an imaginary kiss, and remember the love of this beautiful child who had put it there.
In a very real sense, each of us has been given an invisible golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and God. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
Tags: #christianhumor, #churchbulletinjokes, #cleanjokes, #devotionalhumor, Christian Humor, Church Bulletin Jokes, Clean Jokes, God Stories
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