Night Call

A pastor assured his congregation he was their servant and that they should feel free to call him anytime they had a problem.

 

That night the pastor’s phone rang at 3 a.m. On the other end was a dear elderly lady who said, “Pastor, I can’t sleep.”

 

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” he comforted her.

 

“But what can I do about it?” the pastor said.

 

She sweetly replied, “Preach to me a while, pastor.”

 

One of the lessons of life is that “nothing” is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

 

To belittle is to be little. To be grateful is to be great.

 

Kiss and Tell

At the end of their first date, a young fellow takes the girl back to her home.  On the front porch, leaning against the wall with a bit of swagger, he decides to try for that important first kiss.

 

He: “Sweet thing, how ’bout a good night kiss?”

 

She: “Oh, I couldn’t do that. My parents will see us!”

 

He: “Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”

 

She: “No, please. I would just die of embarrassment if someone saw us.”

 

He: “Baby, there’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”

 

She: “No way. It’s just too risky!”

 

He: “Oh please, please, I like you so much!!”

 

She: “No. I like you too, but I just can’t!”

 

He: “Oh yes you can. Please, Sugar? Please?”

 

She: “No, no. I just can’t.”

 

He: “Pleeeeease?…”

 

Then the porch light goes on and the girl’s sister shows up in her pajamas, sleepy, hair disheveled. “Dad says go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!”

 

If the person who named walkie talkies named everything:

Stamp = Lickie Stickie

 

Defibrillator = Hearty Starty

 

Bumblebee – Fuzzy Buzzy

 

Pregnancy Test – Maybe Baby

 

Fork = Stabby Grabby

 

Socks = Feetie Heatie

 

Hippo = Floatie Bloatie

 

Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy

 

Rejected International Sports Team Names

Brussels Sprouts

Cannes Openers

Amsterdam Yankees

Vienna Sausages

Belgium Waffles

Manila Folders

Czech Bouncers

Buenos Airheads

Guadalajara Krishnas

Iraqi Raccoons

Seoul Brothers

Hungary Jacks

Prague Tologists

Peking Toms

 

Q: Why can’t you bend a coin? A: Change Is Hard!

 

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator

 

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?

A: Cockerpoodledoo!

 

 

Q: Why do dogs run in circles? A: Because its hard to run in squares!

 

What’s Amore?

When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie,
That’s amore.

When an eel bites your hand
And that’s not what you planned,
That’s a moray.

When our habits are strange
And our customs deranged,
That’s our mores.

When your horse munches straw
And the bales total four,
That’s some more hay.

When Othello’s poor wife
She gets stabbed with a knife,
That’s a Moor, eh?

 

Frank’s Experience

Hello all! I thought I might share this testimony with the rest of you.

Anyway, this happened in my life back in 1978. I had only been a Christian for a short amount of time and was still in doubt of things all the time and not really sure of my new-found faith.

At any rate I’d been having a personal issue in my life with a woman I really loved and thought I was on the verge of losing her. It was night and I was ready to go to bed. So I was on my knees in prayer as I prayed a few times a day. This night’s prayer became very intense for me due to my situation with my girlfriend. And I really don’t recall exactly what transpired except the next thing I heard a voice next to me asking me to let it go and trust Him with it . . . I turned to the direction of the voice as it was so very real and there before me stood my Lord Jesus! It was a moment that I’ll never forget and I do remember being taken by stunned surprise for a moment. No bright lights–just a soft warm glow and the feeling of not having a care in the world and in that instant I knew that I had nothing to worry about! As quickly as He appeared, He was gone. Though I remember for days the feelings I had inside of me and a few people mentioned that I had a glow and new smile about me as they put it!

I just wanted to share this with others as when you need the Lord He is always with you. Maybe not the same way, as it’s never happened like that again. But I know He is right there with me! Needless to say I married that woman later that year and we were together until the Lord saw fit to call her home in 1999. I do hope that others may enjoy sharing in this testimony.

God’s blessings be with you.