A Clef-Toe Maniac
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about” says the caretaker. “He’s just decomposing!”
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How Long Lord
God created the donkey and told him: you will work tireless from sun up to sun down, carrying heavy bags on your back, you’ll eat grass, you will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!
The donkey answered: I’ll be a donkey, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years. And God gave him 20 years.
God created the dog and told him: You will look after the man’s house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25 years. You will be a DOG!
The dog answered: God, living 25 years is too much, give only 10. God gave him 10 years.
God created the monkey and told him: You will jump from branch to branch, you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years.
The monkey answered: God, living 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years. And God agreed.
Finally, God created man, and told him: You will be Man, the only rational being on this earth, you will use your intelligence to control other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20 years.
The man answered: God, I’ll be man, but living 20 years is not enough, why don’t you give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 20 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years that the monkey refused.
That was what God did, and since then, Men live 20 years like a man, then he enters adulthood and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying the load on his back, then when his children leave home, spends 15 years like a dog, looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him, then he gets into retirement, and spends 10 years like a monkey, jumping from house to house or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse the grandchildren.
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“DOES THIS RAILROAD LEAD TO HEAVEN?”
From: Inspiring Incidents published 1887 now out of print
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In traveling we often meet with persons of different nationalities and languages; we also meet with incidents of various character, some sorrowful, and others joyful and instinctive. One of the latter character I witnessed recently while traveling upon the cars. The train was going west, and the time was evening. At a station a little girl about eight years old came aboard, carrying a little budget under her arm. She came into the car and deliberately took a seat. She then commenced an eager scrutiny of faces, but all were strange to her. She appeared weary, and placing her budget or a pillow, she prepared to try and secure a little sleep. Soon the conductor came along collecting tickets and fare. Observing him, she asked him if she might lie there. The gentlemanly conductor replied that she might, and then kindly asked for her ticket. She informed him that she had none, when the following conversation ensued. Said the conductor:
“Where are you going?”
“I am going to heaven,” she answered.
“Who pays your fare?” he asked again.
She then said: “Mister, does this railroad lead to heaven, and does Jesus travel on it?”
“I think not,” he answered. “Why did you think so?”
“Why, sir, before my ma died she used to sing to me of a heavenly railroad, and you looked so nice and kind that I thought this was the road. My ma used to sing of Jesus on the heavenly railroad, and that He paid the fare for everybody, and that the train stopped at every station to take people on board; but my ma don’t sing to me any mere. Nobody sings to me now; and I thought I’d take the cars and go to ma. Mister, do you sing to your little girl about the railroad that goes to heaven? You have a little girl haven’t you?”
He replied, weeping: “No, my little dear, I have no little girl now. I had one once, but she died some time ago, and went to heaven.” “Did she go over this railroad, and are you going to see her now? “ she asked.
By this time every person in the coach was upon their feet, and most of them were weeping. An attempt to describe what I witnessed is almost futile. Some said: ” God bless the little girl.” Hearing some person say that she was an angel, the little girl earnestly replied: “Yes, my ma used to say that I would be an angel some time.
Addressing herself once more to the conductor, she asked him: “Do you love Jesus? I do; and if you love him, he will let you ride to heaven on His railroad. I am going there, and I wish you would go with me. I know Jesus will let me into heaven when I get there, and he will let you in too, and everybody that will ride on his railroad — yes, all these people. Wouldn’t you like to see heaven, and Jesus, and your little girl?”
These words, so pathetically and innocently uttered, brought a great gush of tears from all eyes, hut most profusely from those of the conductor. Some who were traveling on the heavenly railroad shouted aloud for joy.
She now asked the conductor: “Mister, may I lie here until we get to heaven?
“Yes, dear, yes,” he answered. “Will you wake me up then, So that I may see my ma, and your little girl, and Jesus?” she asked, “for I do so much want to see them all. “The answer came in broken accents, but in words very tenderly spoken: “Yes, dear angel, yes. God bless you.” “Amen” was sobbed by more than a score of voices. Turning her eyes again upon the conductor, she interrogated him again: “What shall I tell your little girl when I see her? Shall I tell her that I saw her pa on Jesus’ railroad? Shall I?”
This brought a fresh flood of tears from all present, and the conductor knelt by her side, and, embracing her, wept the reply he could not utter. At this juncture the brakeman called out “H——-” The conductor arose and requested him to attend to his (the conductor’s) duty at the station, for he was engaged. That was a precious place. I thank God that I was a witness to this scene, but I was sorry that at this point I was obliged to leave the train.
We learn from this incident that out of the mouths of even babes God hath ordained strength, and that we ought to be willing to represent the cause of our blessed Jesus even in a railroad coach.
Tags: #devotionalhumor
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