Greatest Hits of The 60’s-70’s remix
“Baby Boomers Turn Gray: Re-heated Oldies.”

Paul Simon–“Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver”

Carly Simon–“You’re So Varicose Vein”

The Bee Gees–“How Can You Mend a Broken Hip”

Roberta Flack–“The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face”

Johnny Nash–“I Can’t See Clearly Now”

The Temptations–“Papa Got a Kidney Stone”

Nancy Sinatra–“These Boots Are Made For Bunions”

ABBA–“Denture Queen”

Leo Sayer–“You Make Me Feel Like Napping”

Commodores–“Once, Twice, Three Times My Back’s Out”

Procol Harem–“A Whiter Shade of Hair”

The Beatles–“I Get By with a Little Help From Depends”

Steely Dan–“Rikki Don’t Lose That Clapper”

Herman’s Hermits–“Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Walker”

Credence Clearwater Revival–“Bad Prune Rising”

Marvin Gaye–“I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts”

The Who–“Talkin’ ‘Bout My Medication”

The Troggs–“Bald Thing”Empire State Kid

A little boy got on the elevator in the Empire State Building in New York City. He and his daddy started to the top. The boy watched the signs flashing as they went by the floors: 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70.

They kept going, and he got nervous. He took his daddy’s hand and said, “Daddy, does God know we’re coming?”

 

Look Natural

When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”

The clerk looked at his picture closely. “It’s okay,” he reassured the man: “That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”

 

Weird Factoids

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.

The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; “7” was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. “UP” indicated the direction of the bubbles.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

A Boeing 747’s wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers’ first flight.

The albatross drinks sea water. It has a special desalinization apparatus that strains out and excretes all excess salt.

Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same as an idling diesel engine.

A dragonfly flaps its wings 20 to 40 times a second, bees and houseflies 200 times, some mosquitoes 600 times, and a tiny gnat 1,000 times.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

The combination “ough” can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”

The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.

All porcupines float in water.

Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

When opossums are playing “possum,” they are not “playing.” They actually pass out from sheer terror.

 

FACE IT

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made an ugly face, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

 

Famous Last Words  List 6

I thought it tasted rather strange.

And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?

Are you sure they don’t mind you taking their honey?

It’s peacetime, let’s enlist.

How much worse could it get?

Great Tether Balls-A-Fire

One of the great benefits of having a Dad who worked for Buick in the 60’s is every year at announcement time he brought home scale models of the cool new vehicles coming out. Wildcats, Riveras, Skylark Convertibles a virtual little boy show room eventually. After a while my creative juices started flowing and I wondered if I could melt some of them into cool wreck scenes, (it’s a little boy thing you wouldn’t understand).

 

Out near our driveway was the tether ball court the perfect place to stage this would be fiery crash. My father had put down white gravel as to make a wonderful tether ball court for my brother and sisters to smack a ball around instead of each other, I think.

 

Ohio Blue Tip matches out to do the trick my young mind reasoned. I had a great deal of experience with these babies, because I had the coolest little Jensen steam engine that you had to light these little dry fuel tablets. After nearly half a box of matches I wasn’t getting the melting I was hoping for, answer, I need more fuel.

 

At this stage in the story as I am sure you can imagine things are about to go terribly wrong. If I stand back now and look Jesus has clearly shown me through out my life is this desire to go it alone, my hopes and dreams, (in this case a cool looking fiery crash scene) I considered my dad would not be up for, not interested, no time.  Maybe that was true, but I never asked him to share the adventure the dream. The fathering you will see I clearly needed I wasn’t willing to risk the rejection or denial. Going to the Father with your hopes and dreams, (yes even the weird ones) takes courage, but oh, oh the joy of sharing the adventure with Jesus.

 

Back to the fiery crash scene, since mowing the lawn was one of my chores I knew just where the gas can was.  A few drops of gas will do the trick. I decided to pour the gas straight out of the can onto the cars. What I had failed to consider is that the cars were still smoldering a smidgen from the severe matching they had received. The second the gas touched the cars whoosh flames jumped all the way up the spout of the gas can. The can started to rumble and before it could explode I kicked it over spilling five gallons of flaming gas across the, (at one time white gravel) tether ball court and down the driveway. With Flames shooting up way over my head I can still see that yellow tether ball expanding bigger, bigger, BAM!!

 

Just when it couldn’t have looked worse for the home team, here comes my parents driving up the street heading for their flaming driveway. Un-singed and sheepish there I stood as my father jumps out of the car at the bottom of the driveway, (he wasn’t know for handling these kind of things calmly, of course who would). “What in the *!&@^#!. Things just didn’t turn out the way I hoped, but no doubt there was a fiery crash scene.

 

I can’t remember all the punishment I received for this infraction of all the Dilmore codes known to man. But the one that has stuck with me was cleaning that white gravel and the driveway most of the summer.

 

Now the stuff of Dilmore legend it has provided much laughter over the years, but I can’t help but wonder, if I could have shared this adventure with my dad it had the possibilities of something even more wonderful.

 

I am partly sure that I escaped major punishment because like Joseph I was teased by my siblings that I was daddy’s favorite, (I was a junior and his first son so it’s understandable). Although, as a father myself I understand how all your children are in that status. I believe there is something inherently special to being daddy’s favorite, ‘the apple of his eye’. God Himself affirmed His son on more than one occasion, “You are my Son whom I love in you I am well pleased.” Luke 3:22 God is the perfect Father every child longs to know that.  I would share that you may have never been you earthly father’s favorite but you are your Heavenly Father’s favorite.

 

Isaiah 61: (My Emphasis added)

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

 

This famous passage quoted by Jesus in Luke 4:18 as, fulfilled by His coming, profoundly illustrates the concept and use of New Testament grace to me. That word favor in the Hebrew ‘ratsown’ works well for my understanding as this is the year of “Robby is The Lord’s favorite”. The Greek word ‘charis’ usually translated ‘grace’ also means favor so even more proof  this is the year I’m His favorite.

 

Sorry you get your own year…just kidding. Let that sink in “You are His favorite.” You are the apple of Father God’s eye I promise.

 

 

This understanding helps me both in seeing the grace I’m afforded but also when someone starts to get on my nerves if I want to show them grace, I create a mental picture of them being my favorite son or daughter and how would I treat them if that is the case. It is truly remarkable how that change makes me feel about that person, which in turn changes the way I treat them. I have even gone as far as telling them, “I am declaring this 2014 the year that ________ insert name is my favorite.”

 

AMAZING GRACE is what you need when great-tether-balls are afire, yes many times I figure out I have lots and lots broken moments. Yet, I AM STILL HIS FAVORITE, just sayin…