Random Robby Ramblings

If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds.

I hate it when I see an old person and then realize we went to high school together.

My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don’t listen and something else…

The officer said, “You drinking?” I said, “You buying?” We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.

Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.

Some people call me crazy. I prefer happy with a twist.

I really don’t mind getting old, but my body is having a major fit.
I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

What is the opposite of stand-up comedy? A sitcom.

I don’t know how to use Tik Tok, but I can write in cursive, do long division, and tell time with clocks that have hands. So, there!

Tammy asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.  I had to get a running start but I made it…just sayin

As the Christian Car Guy I would like to recommend a better wat to clear a frozen Windshield – I tried my Walgreen’s discount card only got 20% off

Working as a lumberjack for the past 3 years I know that I have cut down 10,432 trees. How you ask?  Everytime I cut one down I keep a log.

People think that being a waiter isn’t a respectable job. But hey, it puts food on the table.

How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb.. 1 or 2? 1.. or 2?

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The Top Dinner Dishes When Mom’s Away and Dad’s Cooking

Hot dogs with just a hint of Tabasco.

Broiled bologna benedict on rye.

Back-of-the-fridge goulash (with lots of pepper).

Something old, something blue, something frozen, call it stew.

Wanton

A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, “What 20 Million American Women Want.”

He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.

His wife was a little annoyed. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

He calmly replied, “I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right.”

Hookie

After returning from a fishing trip with her husband, a wife confessed to her neighbor:

“I did everything all wrong again today — I talked too much and too loud. I used the wrong bait. I reeled in too soon and, worst of all, I caught more fish than he did.”

LONG WINDED

A Pastor giving a long-winded Sermon finally says, “I’m sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home.”

A voice from the crowd says, “There’s a calendar behind you.”

Another Claimed to be Moses and said “Let My People Go!”

DOCTOR!

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed to help him. As she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid.”

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here.”

ACTS OF RANDOM KINDNESS –  ARK

This young man was driving home one evening, on a two lane country road. Work in this small mid-western community was almost as slow as his beat-up Pontiac, but he never quit looking. Ever since the factory closed, he’d been unemployed, and with winter coming on, the chill had finally hit home.

It was a lonely road. Not very many people had a reason to be on it, unless they were leaving. Most of his friends had already left. They had families to feed and dreams to fulfill, but he stayed on. After all, this was where he buried his mother and father. He was born here and he knew the country. He could go down this road blind, and tell you what was on either side, and with his headlights not working , this came in handy.

It was starting to get dark and light snow flurries were coming down. He’d better get a move on. You know, he almost didn’t see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.

Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help, for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe. He looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you Ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan.”

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through.

She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. She asked him how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She had already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.

Bryan never thought twice about the money. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance that they needed, and Bryan added “…and think of me.” He waited until she started her car and drove off.

It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The cash register was like the telephone of an out of work actor–it didn’t ring much.

Her waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase.

The lady noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger.

Then she remembered Bryan. . .

After the lady finished her meal, and the waitress went to get change for a hundred dollar bill, the lady slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. She wondered where the lady could be, then she noticed something written on the napkin under which were 4 one-hundred dollar bills. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote. It said: “You don’t owe me anything, I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard.

She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything’s gonna be all right – I love you, Bryan.”