Random Robby Ramblings

What do you get when you pour boiling water into a rabbit hole?  Hot, cross bunnies!

What do you call the Easter Bunny with Fleas – Buggs Bunny

Archeologists just announced that they found a mass grave of snowmen. Turned out just to be a field of carrots.

Your Easter salad can be a Caesar if you stab it enough.

What do they celebrate instead of Easter in California? Wester.

This Easter, the catholic church is sourcing all of it’s bread and wine from a factory in China. It’s called mass production.

Do to covid-19 the format of this year’s Easter egg hunt has changed. Instead of trying to find eggs in a garden, everyone will be trying to find eggs in a grocery store.

I accidentally drank the water we used to color eggs for Easter.I think I dyed a little inside.

I’m going to Rio de Janeiro over Easter to see if I can find Jesus. Heard he’s really big over there!

My brother isn’t celebrating Easter with us this year… He’s Egg-Nostic

ICE Fishing

A couple Congressmen from warmer climes loved to fish, so they wanted to try ice fishing.

They’d took off up to Canada and found a nice, big frozen lake with a little bait shop nearby where they got all their tackle – including a sturdy ice pick.

About an hour later, one of them was back at the shop and bought another ice pick. In another hour the Congressman was back, and said, “We’re going to need all the ice picks you got.”

The bait man said, “Well, OK — How are you doing out there?”

“Not very well at all,” said the Congressman. “We don’t even have the boat in the water yet.”

Chair Women of The Board

A local lumberyard was having an open house, and my mother really wanted to go. Dad, though, had no interest.

After badgering him with no luck, she finally said, “If you don’t go, I’ll be the only woman there.”

Dad shrugged. “If I go, you’ll still be the only woman there.”

Family Poverty

Seeing a homeless guy begging on the street, a woman took pity on him and gave him a handful of change.

“Thank you,” said the homeless man. “Your generosity is much appreciated. You know my life used to be great, but just look at the state of me now.”

“How do you mean?” asked the woman.

“Well,” he explained. “I was a multi-millionaire. I had bank accounts all over the world with hundreds of thousands of dollars deposited in each.”

“So where did it all go wrong?” she asked.

The homeless man sighed, “I forgot my mother’s maiden name.”

TELL TALE SIGNS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO AT WORK

– You’ve read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for 2022.

– You’ve definitively figured out a way to get Gilligan OFF the island.

– People come into your office frequently…to borrow pencils from your ceiling.

– The 5th Division of Paperclips has completely overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

The Waiter

We had built our dream house some years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.

“Finally!” I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. “I’ve been waiting twelve years for this!”

“Don’t blame me, lady,” he said. “I just got the order this morning.”

TWO Heads Are Better Than One

Last weekend I was driving from Milwaukee to Chicago with my wife.

Wisconsin had recently installed new scoreboard-style highway signs that keep commuters up-to-date on current traffic conditions and at the time the message read, “Change speed to 50 MPH A HEAD.”

I thought, “There are two heads in this car at the moment so…” and then looked over at my wife who, without waiting for me to say anything, simply said, “No.”

She knows me too well.

Edith Burns: Do You Believe in Easter?

Edith Burns was a wonderful Christian who lived in San Antonio, Texas. She was the patient of a doctor by the name of Will Phillips. Dr. Phillips was a gentle doctor who saw patients as people. His favorite patient was Edith Burns.

One morning he went to his office with a heavy heart and it was because of Edith Burns. When he walked into that waiting room, there sat Edith with her big black Bible in her lap. She was earnestly talking to a young mother sitting beside her.

Dr. Phillips knew why Edith was there and what she was doing. You see, Edith Burns had a habit of introducing herself in this way: “Hello, my name is Edith Burns. Do you believe in Easter?” Then she would explain the meaning of Easter, and many times people would be saved.

Dr. Phillips walked into that office and there he saw the head nurse Beverly. Beverly had first met Edith when she was taking her blood pressure. Edith began by saying, “My name is Edith Burns. Do you believe in Easter?”

Beverly said, “Why yes I do.” Edith said, “Well, what do you believe about Easter?” Beverly said, “Well, it’s all about egg hunts, going to church, and dressing up.”

Well, Edith kept pressing her about the real meaning of Easter, and finally led her to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Dr. Phillips said, “Beverly, don’t call Edith into the office quite yet. I believe there is another delivery taking place in the waiting room.

After being called back in the doctor’s office, Edith sat down and when she took a look at the doctor she said, “Dr. Will, why are you so sad? Are you reading your Bible? Are you praying?”

Dr. Phillips said, “Now Edith, I’m the doctor and you’re the patient.” With a heavy heart he said, “Your lab report came back and it says you have cancer, and Edith, you’re not going to live very long.”

Edith said, “Why Will Phillips, shame on you. Why are you so sad? Do you think God makes mistakes? You have just told me I’m going to see my precious Lord Jesus, my husband, and my friends. You have just told me that I am going to celebrate Easter forever, and here you are having difficulty giving me my ticket!”

Dr. Phillips thought to himself, “What a magnificent woman this Edith Burns is!”

Edith continued coming to Dr. Phillips every day. Christmas came and the office was closed through January 3rd. On the day the office opened, Edith did not show up. Later that afternoon, Edith called Dr. Phillips and said she would have to be moving her story to the hospital and said, “Will, I’m very near home, so would you make sure that they put women in here next to me in my room who need to know about Easter.”

 Well, they did just that and women began to come in and share that room with Edith. Many women were gloriously saved. Everybody on that floor from staff to patients were so excited about Edith, that they started calling her Edith Easter; everyone except Phyllis Cross, the head nurse.

She made it plain that she wanted nothing to do with Edith because she was a “religious nut”. She had been a nurse in an army hospital. She had seen it all and heard it all.  She was the original G.I. Jane. She had been married three times, she was hard, cold, and did everything by the book.

Well, one morning the two nurses who were to attend to Edith were sick.

Edith had the flu and Phyllis Cross had to go in and give her a shot. When she walked in, Edith had a big smile on her face and said, “Phyllis, God loves you and I love you, and I have been praying for you.”

Phyllis Cross said, “Well, you can quit praying for me, you religious nut, it won’t work. I’m not interested.”

Edith said, “Well, I will pray and I have asked God not to let me go home until you come into the family.”

Phyllis Cross said, “Then you will never die because that will never happen.” She walked out of the room.

Every day Phyllis Cross would walk into that room and Edith would say, “God loves you Phyllis and I love you, and I’m praying for you.”

One day Phyllis Cross said she was literally drawn to Edith’s room like a magnet would draw iron. She sat down on the bed and Edith said, “I’m so glad you have come, because God told me that today is your special day.”

Phyllis Cross said, “Edith, you have asked everybody here the question, ‘Do you believe in Easter?’ but you have never asked me.” Edith said, “Phyllis, I wanted to many times, but God told me to wait until you asked, and now that you have asked . . .”

Edith Burns took her Bible and shared with Phyllis Cross the Easter story of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Edith said, “Phyllis, do you believe in Easter? Do you believe that Jesus Christ is alive and that He wants to live in your heart?”

Phyllis Cross said, “Oh I want to believe that with all of my heart, and I do want Jesus in my life.” Right there, Phyllis Cross prayed and invited Jesus Christ into her heart. For the first time Phyllis Cross did not walk out of a hospital room, she was carried out on the wings of angels.

Two days later, Phyllis Cross came in and Edith said, “Do you know what day it is?” Phyllis Cross said, “Why Edith, it’s Good Friday.” Edith said, “Oh, no, for you every day is Easter. Happy Easter Phyllis!”

Well, two days later, on Easter Sunday, Phyllis Cross came into work, did some of her duties and then went down to the flower shop and got some Easter lilies because she wanted to go up to see Edith and give her some Easter lilies and wish her a Happy Easter. When she walked into Edith’s room, Edith was in bed. That big black Bible was on her lap. Her hands were in that Bible. There was a sweet smile on her face.

When Phyllis Cross went to pick up Edith’s hand, she realized Edith was dead. Her left hand was on John 14: “In my Father’s house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.”

Her right hand was on Revelation 21:4, ” And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying; and there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Phyllis Cross took one look at that dead body, and then lifted her face toward heaven, and with tears streaming down here cheeks, said, “Happy Easter, Edith – Happy Easter!”

Well, Phyllis Cross left Edith’s body, walked out of the room, and over to a table where two student nurses were sitting. She said, “My name is Phyllis Cross. Do you believe in Easter?”

                                                — story by Russell Kelfer