Push Over

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon, loaded with corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.

“Hey Clarence!!” the farmer yelled. “Forget your troubles. Come into the house with me and the Mrs, and have a bite to eat. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.”

“That’s mighty nice of you, “Clarence answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”

“Aw, come on,” the farmer insisted.

“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be foolish!” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon.”

The Third Degree

One night, a daughter brought her boyfriend home to meet her parents. Upon first sight, the parents were astounded and appalled by his appearance – leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and a pierced nose (and tongue they found out later at dinner).

At a discreet time, the parents pulled their daughter aside and diplomatically told Candi, “We are not sure about him, he doesn’t seem very nice.”

“Oh please, Mom,” replied the blonde daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

On The Spot

If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”

I went into the Hokey Pokey clinic and I turned myself around.

I used to wear gloves all the time, but now I only wear them intermittenly

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.

~ When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.

~ Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

~ When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

~ What’s the definition of a will?  (It’s a dead giveaway).

~ Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

~ When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

~ The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

~ A plateau is a high form of flattery.

~ Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.


Humm Dinger

“Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,” little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. “It’s the best present I ever got.”

“That’s great,” said his uncle. “Do you know how to play it?”

“Oh, I don’t play it,” the little fellow said. “My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.

Why Men Are Not Typically Secretaries

Husband’s note on refrigerator to his wife:
“Someone from the Guyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal. I didn’t know you liked beer.”

Author, Author

A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, “Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?”

“No,” replied the guide. “It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer.”

“Never heard of him. What did he write?”

“A big check,” replied the guide.

Blondes Year In Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels….. Helllloooo!!!…….bottles won’t fit in printer!!!

March
Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….. Box said ‘ 2-4 years!’

April
Trapped on escalator for hours … Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool Aid…..wrong instructions…. 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing……. Couldn’t find a lake with a slope.



July
Put iPad in Blender, made Apple Juice

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm…… Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is ‘C’…..isn’t it???

October
Hate M & M’s….. They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days …. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn’t call 911. ‘Duh’…..there’s no ‘eleven’ button on the stupid phone!!!

Q: Where would you look when purchasing felines via mail order? A: In a Cat-a-log.

Woman Helps Homeless Man And Then Bumps Into Him Unexpectedly Years Later In Gas Station

When Jeanah Nomelli first met Will Levens, he was digging in the dumpster. When Jeanah asked him why he was on the streets, Will shared his heartbreaking story with her.

“He shared that his wife died unexpectedly and in the wake of her death, he tried heroin- ONE TIME and became addicted,” Jeanah said. “He lost his home and job as a result of his addiction.”

From there, Will and Jeanah struck up a friendship. The spoke often, sharing stories and advice.

Jeanah really wanted to see Will improve his situation.

And when this compassionate woman helps the homeless man by giving him a pair of boots and a jacket, along with $7 to get his ID, she was just showing some kindness. But her friendship and support ended up changing everything for Will!

When Jeanah gave Will the $7 to go out and get his ID, she made him promise her he wouldn’t spend the money on drugs.

Then, one day, Will just disappeared.

“Over the years I’ve wondered what happened to him,” Jeanah said. “I wondered if he was even alive.”

Finally, God answered that question for Jeanah, allowing their paths to cross again through divine intervention.

Jeanah was at a gas station and when she stepped out of the bathroom, Will Levens was there waiting for her!

“He stood there with tears in his eyes and asked if I remembered him.”

Jeanah absolutely remembered her friend. And she was astonished to see the transformation that had taken place since she’d last seen Will.

“Will kept his promise,” she said. “He got his ID, a job, and later a wife. Will also found grace in the arms of our heavenly creator. We totally snot cried in the middle of the store before asking the clerk to take our picture.”

Jeanah Nomelli shared Will’s inspirational overcomer story because she wanted to remind everyone of the power of kindness.

Just because an act of kindness is small doesn’t mean it’s insignificant. In fact, God can take the smallest act and use it to do something huge.

 

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