Random Robby Ramblings

Someone ripped the 5th month out my new 2023 calendar! I’m dismayed!

Why are calendar puns so bad? Because they are always so week and dated

Why did Dracula pass out on New Year’s Eve? There was a count down.

We were so poor that all we had for toilet paper was a calendar…Now those days are behind me.

Invisible calendars… … that’s something you don’t see every day.

Why did 2022 go by in a blur? My resolution must’ve been too low.

Can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory…all I did was take a day off

I see Google Calendar is down – I thought I’d never see the day

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

Why should you raise your left leg before the ball drops at midnight? So you can start the New Year off on the right foot!

ARRRRRRR

In Jamaica you can buy a steak and kidney pie for $1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for $1.60 and an apple pie for $2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis, a steak and kidney pie will cost you $2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is $1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for $1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, that a steak and kidney pie comes in at $2.50, but you can get two for $3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is $2.25, or two for $3.25. They also offer a meat and potato pie for $2 and two for $3. Their apple and cherry pies are often sold for $2.75 or two (any combination) for $4.75.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean!

Thermal Underwear

(to the tune, “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”)

Blizzard blows, are you listening?
On the snows, crystals glistening!
To Heck with the storm! I’m cozy and warm,
Walking ’round in thermal underwear!

On the ground, all is crunchy;
Birdies down for some munchies!
I’ll put out some feed, some suet and seed,
Walking ’round in thermal underwear!

On the deck I see a little squirrel;
I’ll pretend that he’s my dinner guest!
Not to worry, beastie; there’s no peril!
I’ll forget for now that you’re a pest!

Later on, roads are icy;
Slippin’ cars, driving’s dicey!
But I will not whine, cause I’m feeling fine,
Dancing ’round in thermal underwear!

Band Aide

A somewhat inexperienced musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having a terrible time keeping time with the rest of the band.

Finally, the band leader said, “Look, either you learn to keep time or I’ll throw you overboard! So it’s up to you, sync or swim.”

It’s Called Horseplay

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental.

He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last.

He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

When Was Your Son Born?

Virginia: When was your son born?

Beverly: In March. He came on the first of the month.

Virginia: Is that why you call him Bill?

The Story of Kyle

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him, and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.” He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before, but we talked all the way home, and I carried his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes.

We hung out all weekend, and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

On graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech, so I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach — but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.” I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person’s life.