Random Robby Ramblings

The rotation of earth really makes my day.

My wedding was so heart wrenching even the Cake was in Tiers

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

If at first you don’t succeed, never try sky diving.

I just looked at my ceiling. I am not sure if it is the best ceiling in the world but it is definitely up there.

When I watch the Olympics, I prefer to watch the 100m rather than the long distance events. Does that make me racist?

What did the sock say to make the foot go away? Shoe

Our shop assistant fought off a robber with a labelling gun. Police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

The swiss man who invented Ricola has died. Apparently there will be no coffin at his funeral.

Will glass coffins ever become popular? Remains to be seen.

Children’s Views on Love

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?

“When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don’t get up for at least an hour.” (Wendy, age 8)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

“One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.” (Andrew, age 6)

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Mae, age 7)

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Manuel, age 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (John, age 9)

“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” (Glenn, age 7)

ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Anita C., age 8)

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Brian, age 7)

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” (Christine, age 9)

REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE

“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.” (Greg, age 8)

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?

“Mooshy … like puppy dogs … except puppy dogs don’t wag their tails nearly as much.” (Arnold, age 10)

“All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark.” (Sherm, age 8)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.” (Gavin, age 8)

“They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing.” (John, age 9)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘Dinosaurs’ is on television.” (Jill, age 6)

“Love is foolish … but I still might try it sometime.” (Floyd, age 9)

“Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place … We were behind a tree.” (Carey, age 7)

“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Dave, age 8)

“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” (Regina, age 10)

PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER

“Sensitivity don’t hurt.” (Robbie, age 8)

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava, age 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, age 6)

“Shake your hips and hope for the best.” (Camille, age 9)

“Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs … and don’t worry if their parents are right there.” (Manuel, age 8)

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, age 9)

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, age 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (Bobby, age 9)

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Bart, age 9)

“Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.” (Sarah)

“See if the man has lipstick on his face.” (Sandra, age 7)

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are — on fire.” (Christine, age 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, age 9)

“Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat.” (Dick, age 7)

HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?

“I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn’t always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses.” (Gina, age 8)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

“You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls.” (Julia, age 7)

“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Brian, age 7)

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.” (Carin, age 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“When they’re rich.” (Pam, age 7)

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you … That’s why I stopped doing it.” (Tammy, age 7)

“If it’s your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it’s a new person, you have to ask permission.” (Roger, age 6)

“I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it, but it’s a free country and nobody should be forced to do it.” (Dave, age 8)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Dick, age 7)

“Don’t forget your wife’s name … That will mess up the love.”

A Real Life ‘Anne With an E’ Inspired Her

They both loved the fictional redheaded orphan of Green Gables. Then their friendship helped her heal.    From Guidepost

I’d been scoping out a new office in the medical center where I worked as a nurse; a change of scenery for the despair I couldn’t shake.

Suddenly, a lady with shoulder-length red hair bounded down my hallway rattling a metal cart piled high with supplies she balanced with her chin. Hospital staff I’d never known existed poured out of closed doors. “Rita!” they hollered. “You moving to the hood?” I watched, transfixed, as lilting laughter flowed till she landed in the office smack dab next door to me.

My life changed in a moment. I cancelled my move and surrendered to her magic. Her mama might have named her Rita, but that was clearly a misnomer. For here, standing right in front of me, was Anne of Green Gables—the beloved fictional orphan first introduced to the world in the 1908 novel by Lucy Laud Montgomery. Sure, she didn’t have braids, but she displayed the same impish enthusiasm; spoke in the same over-the-top soundbites. Even better, I soon learned that Rita, just like me, had been captivated by Anne’s antics since childhood. I dubbed her Anne; she was delighted. 

There were more synchronicities to come.  We soon learned we were both born in 1953, me in September, ‘Anne’ in October. It was to be her first of a sundry of famous Anne proclamations: “I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers!” she announced. If those words had fallen from the lips of anyone else, they would’ve annoyed me. “Or September, Roberta!” she added, her voice a full octave higher. “Or April or June. Or any other month of the year.”

It’s hard to fool somebody as intuitive as Anne. When she dashed in with a cup of chai tea, she found me holding an ice pack to the side of my face. I tried to hide my medical issues, but it was too late. By then she’d seen the bulging tumors, the trash can where I’d succumbed to nausea. “I’m in the depths of despair,” I wailed, trying to lighten things by adding an Anne quote of my own. “My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.”

Anne was not deterred. One day after teaching a class, I confided how I’d left my office with the wrong lecture notes and totally bombed. “Oh, that was today, Roberta,” she cooed. “Isn’t it nice to think tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”

The day came when I experienced a dreadful fall. Struck my face. More tumors appeared inside my head. I retired from my job at the hospital and underwent seven surgeries in one year. The fiery pain was so intense my doctors upped my medication. Before I knew it, I was addicted to prescription opioids.

Anne sent encouraging cards and emails, left voicemail messages brimming with hope. The surgeries corrected my tumor issue but a new problem arrived in their place. Oppressive medical debt had me barely scraping by.

About that time I stopped opening the cards that arrived in my mailbox, reading emails, or listening to phone messages. It would always be someone worried about me, wanting to help. The offers were as unique as the friends who offered. Can I cut your grass? Bake you a mandarin orange cake? Give you a manicure? After a while folks let me be. Not Anne. I’d find envelopes dotted with charming stickers slipped under the front door, the windshield wipers of my car, Post-it notes on my windows. One morning after returning from the doctor, I left an Anne-ism for her. No! No! No! I can’t cheer up. I don’t want to cheer up. It’s nicer to be miserable.

She persevered. When Valentine’s Day rolled around she filled a tray with beautifully-packaged herbal teas, a sweet mug, chocolates wrapped in gold, a vintage heart hankie, a rosebud in a slender silver vase. I discovered it by my door with a note straight from Green Gables: “One can dream so much better in a room where there are pretty things.” But tucked inside the mug were words spoken not by the fictional Anne, but from the heart of Anne’s 21^st century kindred spirit. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but it is a teensy part of who you are. Trouble troubles every one of us. If you don’t let us know, the people who love you can’t love you enough.”

I re-read her words so many times that the folds in the paper split in two. Through an absolute miracle, time and God turned the page. I awakened each morning to a day without tumor pain nor the need for medication. I turned my sights toward fixing up my cabin; I started by plundering through my garage for abandoned objects.

It was then I noticed something covered with a bedsheet, a three-dimensional wooden painting an antiques dealer had found in a shuttered historic New York City restaurant. “It has your name on it, Roberta,” he’d told me. I’d studied the two girls on the seesaw, trying to figure how I fit into the picture. I sure wasn’t the pigtailed redhead filled with joy. So I must’ve been the one with a scowl on her face; the one convinced her best days were over.

A note taped to the back said, “Inspired by Prince Edward Island.” I had never noticed that before. I smiled at the painting, seeing it—and life— as for the first time. Anne and Roberta, balancing each other, in good times and bad, on that seesaw called friendship.

It did not surprise me when, years later, the Canadian TV series Anne with an E became an instant cult classic. After all—we could all use an Anne in our lives. How blessed am I to have had my very own.  You were always right, my beloved Anne: Dear old world, you are very lovely, and I am oh so glad to be alive in you!