Random Robby Ramblings

Did you hear about that guy who used to be addicted to soap? He’s clean now.

I wanted to learn how to make ice-cream, so I started attending sundae school.

Life isn’t measured by the number of birthdays but by the events that fall between them

No matter how stupid you feel, remember Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.

250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, I’m not fat. I’m just not on the right planet.

The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.

The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.

Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

What The Geck

Paul: What are you making?

Arthur: A brilliant new invention.

Paul: Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Arthur: Go ahead and laugh. They laughed at Edison, they laughed at Bell,
they laughed at Geck.

Paul: Who’s Geck?

Arthur: You mean you never heard of Charles Geck?
.
Paul: No, what did he invent?

Arthur: Nothing, but they sure laughed at him.

Q and A

Q: Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers?

A: They hate stakeholders.


Q: Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?

A: Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint!


Q: What do witches get when their shoes are too tight?

A: Candy corns.

Wheel Charing

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.

A student nurse found one elderly gentleman–already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet–who insisted he didn’t need any help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.  On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”

God Muligan

A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that juts out off the coast.

It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the ocean. Because of this he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick.

Recently he went to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer.

Before he hit it however, a powerful voice from above said, “WAIT…REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND-NEW BALL.”

He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the Lord seemed to be implying that He was going to let him finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again: “WAIT…STEP BACK… TAKE A PRACTICE SWING.”

So he stepped back and took a practice swing.

The voice boomed out again, “TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING.”

He did. Silence followed.

Then the voice spoke out again: “PUT BACK THE OLD BALL.”

Top 5 signs that gasoline has gotten way too expensive:

1. A gas station is offering a free car with every fill up.

2. Any purchase over a gallon requires a credit check.

3. Price is now in gold bullion.

4. Texaco now offering monthly payment plans.

5. You’re excited to find gas at under $5 a half cup.

The Test

This is a true story that happened to one of our readers years ago in a Youth Ministry college course. Mikey]

I left work early so I could have some uninterrupted study time right before the final in my Youth Issues class. When I got to class, everybody was doing their last minute studying. The teacher came in and said he would review with us for just a little bit before the test. We went through the review, most of it right on the study guide, but there were some things he was reviewing that I had never heard of. When questioned about it, he said that they were in the book and we were responsible for everything in the book. We couldn’t really argue with that.

Finally it was time to take the test.

“Leave them face down on the desk until everyone has one and I’ll tell you to start,” our prof instructed.

When we turned them over, every answer on the test was filled in! The bottom of the last page said the following:

“This is the end of the Final Exam. All the answers on your test are correct. You will receive an ‘A’ on the final exam. The reason you passed the test is because the creator of the test took it for you. All the work you did in preparation for this test did not help you get the A. You have just experienced…grAce.”

He then went around the room and asked each student individually, “What is your grade? Do you deserve the grade you are receiving? How much did all your studying for this exam help you achieve your final grade?”

Now I am not a crier by any stretch of the imagination, but I had to fight back tears when answering those questions and thinking about how the Creator has passed the test for me.

Discussion afterward went like this: “I have tried to teach you all semester that you are a recipient of grace. I’ve tried to communicate to you that you need to demonstrate this gift as you work with young people. Don’t hammer them; they are not the enemy. Help them, for they will carry on your ministry if it is full of GRACE!”

Talking about how some of us had probably studied hours and some just a few minutes but had all received the same grade, he pointed to a story Jesus told in Matthew 20. The owner of a vineyard hired people to work in his field and agreed to pay them a certain amount. Several different times during the day, he hired more workers. When it was time to pay them, they all received the same amount. When the ones who had been hired first thing in the morning began complaining, the boss said, “Should you be angry because I am kind?” (Matthew 20:15).

The teacher said he had never done this kind of final before and probably would never do it again, but because of the content of many of our class discussions, he felt like we needed to experience grace.

Have you thanked your Creator today because of the grace you’ve experienced?