Random Robby Ramblings

I once volunteered to entertain the patients in the hospital. I told my jokes, and shared Jesus. When I finished I said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid. And I am here to help…

You can distinguish between an alligator and a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while.

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A hog and kisses!

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine’s Day!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? “I’m sweet on you!”

What did the paper clip say to the magnet? “I find you very attractive.”

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A hug and a quiche!

What did one pickle say to the other? “You mean a great dill to me.”

What did the bat say to his girlfriend? “You’re fun to hang around with.”

Liz: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Jon: “Really?”
Liz: “Yeah, you make me sick!”

Why do valentines have hearts on them? Because spleens would look pretty gross!

What did one light bulb say to the other? “I love you a whole watt!”

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14? He gives it a valenshine!

Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank? It was a case of guppy love.

What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend? “Be my valenstein!”

What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th.

THE VALENTINE’S DAY TEN COMMANDMENTS

I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt have no other squeeze before me.

II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth her/him behind her/him back.

III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy…or else.

IV.  Honor MY mother and father. THINE are just too weird.

V.  Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily or cause undue embarrassment when I am with thee.

VI.  Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it least you be smitten from the earth.

VII. Thou shalt not steal from my wallet/purse while I am in the shower, nor use my credit cards.

VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.

IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor’s house without first puttin’ down the remote and learnin’ how to use a paintbrush!

X.  Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s main Squeeze, nor his son, nor his daughter, nor his entertainment center, nor his BMW, nor anything else that belongs to thy neighbor.

Gift Ideas

Johnny asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife a gift for Valentine’s Day.

“Yes, I bought her a belt and a bag,” replied Tony.

“That was very kind of you,” Johnny added, “I hope she appreciated the thought.”

Tony smiled as he replied, “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”

Spelling for You

Kathryn’s 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car she’d ask, “Mom, what does FGRPL spell?”

“Nothing,” Kathryn said.

Sitting at breakfast she’d suddenly ask, “Mom, what does DOEB spell?”

“Nothing,” Kathryn answered.

This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, “Mom, what does LMDZ spell?”

Kathryn smiled at her and said, “Nothing, sweetheart.”

The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, “Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!”

Valentines

There really isn’t any other day on earth like it.  If you just look at Valentine’s Day by the numbers, it boggles the brain a bit:

♥  $130.97 – The average estimated amount an individual will spend on Valentine’s Day.

♥  $224 million – The estimated number of roses grown for Valentine’s Day.

♥  $18.6 billion – The projected total amount Americans will spend for Valentine’s Day.

♥  $1.6 billion – The amount people will spend on candy

♥  $1.9 billion – The amount people will spend on flowers

♥  $4.4 billion – The amount people will spend on diamonds, gold, and silver

Not only that, but over 6 million folks will propose on February 14th, and if you are a member of the club that sees Valentine’s Day as S.A.D. (i.e., Single Awareness Day), you can actually pick up a Valentine’s card and/or treat for your pet!

Picture yourself as God’s living Valentine to a world that needs His love.

But then after the hundreds of pounds of chocolate have been gobbled, and the millions of cards have been exchanged, and the billions of dollars spent, their comes the inevitable follow up—

February 15

That’s the day when we go back to our daily grind, and all that focus on love typically gets thrown out with the wrappers and cards.  This probably happens because we put so much emphasis on the temporary and emotionally-driven feeling called love, which is why it is so important to remember that God sends us a very different message:

For the mountains may move
and the hills disappear,
but even then my faithful love for you will remain.
My covenant of blessing will never be broken,”
says the Lord, who has mercy on you (Isaiah 54:10).

Isn’t this amazing?  Long after our flowers have faded and the feelings have waned, God’s love endures beyond even the foundations of the earth!  That’s because His love for us isn’t centered in our beauty, behavior or even our love for Him.  God’s love flows from the unconditional affection and commitment of the perfect Father’s heart.

The gospel is the ultimate Valentine that should not be kept a secret!

And here is the best part. When we decide to share the love that God has for us with others, it will have an eternal impact. In fact, loving others the way that God loves us is the only meaningful thing that will last forever:

What if I speak in the most elegant languages of people or in the exotic languages of the heavenly messengers, but I live without love? Well then, anything I say is like the clanging of brass or a crashing cymbal. What if I have the gift of prophecy, am blessed with knowledge and insight to all the mysteries, or what if my faith is strong enough to scoop a mountain from its bedrock, yet I live without love? If so, I am nothing. I could give all that I have to feed the poor, I could surrender my body to be burned as a martyr, but if I do not live in love, I gain nothing by my selfless acts. Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love;it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs or celebrate injustice; but truth—yes, truth—is love’s delight! Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what.

Love will never become obsolete (1 Corinthians 13:1-8).

This Valentine’s Day, remember that love is so much more than flowers and candy and cards.  It is even more than the deepest feelings you experience, because real love is expressed by unconditional commitment and unwavering dedication to our loved ones—which should be everyone!

That’s why God didn’t spend billions of dollars on us, He sacrificed His priceless Child.

He didn’t send us flowers, but He allowed a crown of thorns to be put on Jesus’ brow.

He didn’t send us a card, but He demonstrated the ultimate Valentine:

Let’s make every day a “Valentine’s Day” for THE Cause in the sense that since God so loved the world, so should we.  Picture yourself as God’s living Valentine to a world that desperately needs to know what love is truly all about.