The Pusher
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was that?” asked his wife. “Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers
. “Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s pouring rain out there!
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunken people too you know.
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes back the answer.
“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.

Relative Importance

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said, “You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.

“Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father’s son, but he was also the son of my wife’s daughter, which made him my wife’s grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.

“This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father’s wife. I’m my stepmother’s brother-in-law, my wife is her own child’s aunt, my son is my father’s nephew and I’m my own grandfather!

“And you think you have family problems!”

Murphy’s Household Laws

**A child’s eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to his/her ability to actually do the work involved.

**Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.

**A newly washed window gathers dirt at twice the speed of an unwashed one.

**The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.

**Garage clutter expands. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will, if you move, fill a two-car garage.

**Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.

**The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote-controls divided by the number of viewers.
**The laws of physics dictate that what goes up must come down, except bubble gum and slightly used cereal.


Daddy’s Day Story

Her hair up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy’s Day at school,
and she couldn’t wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
That the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates,
on this Daddy’s Day.
But still her mother worried,
that she would face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school,
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees,
a dad who never calls.
There were daddy’s along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called,
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them were searching,
for a man who wasn’t there.
“Where’s her daddy at?”
she heard a boy call out.
“She probably doesn’t have one,”
another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
“Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day.”
The words did not offend her,
as she smiled at her friends.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to begin.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.
“My Daddy couldn’t be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could,
be with me on this day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories,
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I’m not standing here alone.
‘Cause my daddy’s always with me,
even though we are apart.
I know because he told me,
he’ll forever be here in my heart”.
With that her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love,
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.
“I love my daddy very much,
he’s my shining star.
And if he could he’d be here,
but heaven’s just too far.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it’s like he never went away.”
And then she closed her eyes,
and she saw him there that day.

And to her mother’s amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddy’s and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him standing at her side.
“I know you’re with me Daddy,”
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there placed on her desktop,
was a beautiful fragrant pink rose.