A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce. He asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”
He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No,” she replied, “we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes.”
“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”
“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.”
How To Be Saved
Two men were stranded on an island. One man just sat down under a tree and did nothing. The other man looked all over the island. When he came back, he said, “There is nothing here — no food, no shelter, no nothing. We’re going to die.”
The first man said, “I make $10,000 a week,” and continued to sit.
The other man again looked all over the island and came back dejected. “We’re going to die,” he said.
The first one again replied, “I make $10,000 per week.” And he sat.
The other man took one more look all over, returned, and said, “There’s no way we will ever get off this island. We’re going to die.”
Once again the first man replied, “I make $10,000 per week, and I tithe. My pastor will find me.”
HMMMMM???? Why is the man who invests all of your money called a broker?
Time Out With The Coach of Coaches by Robby Dilmore
Journals are precious things to go back and see the trials and the triumphs of your walk with the Lord. December 2005 and January 2006 I was under tremendous pressure to raise capital for Westside Chrysler Dodge Jeep. Tammy was struggling with her health, two teenagers in the house and one 6 year old. Based on the number of entries in my journal this pressure was pushing me into Jesus arms. I can tell when my journal entries are daily those were the times I was the closest and when it was weeks between entries that meant I had nothing to share, no depth to my study or quiet time.
It was in this crucible during these two months that one night for a few minutes we had a stop in the action, like a timeout, the ultimate Coach, (Jesus) would come and teach me what I would need for the next stage of my journey. All hell would break lose, (literally) in the following year but Jesus had something for me a month before all that, before He called me to do the Christian Car Guy Show and the deep trials of 2007. He chose the early morning hours of December 30th 2005 to enrich me with a life experience unlike anything I have had before or since, one that would change forever my desires and identity and an understanding of life’s purpose. That night Jesus poured a hope in my heart that I pray will encourage and awaken a similar desire in yours.
That night I was awakened at 4am with a huge desire to pray not sure what for I quickly tried my wife, my children, even Miss Beck my ninety four year old friend, (she was 94 back then, now she is 102). Not feeling I met the need I began a Five Slama Jama Cats Pajama prayer, (that’s my nick name for a prayer where I relax and give my thoughts and my feelings to Jesus all in an effort to be able to hear that still small voice). I will say something like, “Jesus I can feel my back bone against the bed, I give that to you, I can feel the skin between my toes I give that to you.” Naturally I give him my heart and my mind and my thoughts. However there is something uniquely relaxing about feeling my ear lobes and giving them to him or the skin between my fingers, the more obscure the better. After I do that for a few minutes I spend time thinking of a very relaxing outdoor scene that I have experienced in the past where I knew that the Lord was winking at me.
A great example was one time I was fishing by my self way up a river, I hadn’t seen anyone in hours and I came upon a beautiful waterfall and a shimmering pool beneath. The kind of pool trout love, (plenty of oxygen and food) and while I was standing there taking in the sounds and smells and the anticipation of a huge Rainbow trout that’s when a deer came down to get a drink looking right at me the whole time. She was very aware of my presence as I was down wind of her and being a deer hunter I knew that could only be Jesus winking at me. Nothing like that scene when I am praying the Five Slama Jama Cats Pajama Prayer, that memory has all the ingredients of Eden for me. I usually try to go to a couple of those kinds of memories from my past. Then I picture myself in my favorite pew in church and Jesus comes and sits down beside me, then comes the hard part, listening for that still small voice. I can’t tell you how you will know it when you hear it except that if you are His sheep you will, but that night was different from anything I had ever experienced in years of using this prayer. Jesus showed up and it terrified me. Yes, that’s a little hard to explain, since I know Jesus is inside me always and God the Father is Omni present and I am baptized by the Holy Spirit who groans for me with words I can’t utter, but none the less somehow right at that moment I was keenly aware of a magnificent presence and to feel it is to have a better understanding of the “Fear of the Lord”. Hard to explain but I was terrified.
Jesus, ask me “Robby what do you want?” Talk about being caught completely off guard, I thought I was the one who should be asking what do you want me to do, but no it was HIM asking me what do I want.
Not knowing what to say, I glibly responded, “I want to serve you.”
Jesus simply said, “Do you?” there was no condemnation in his question but more a self examination, truly I was freaked out. Then like something you have herd about but didn’t really expect to see for yourself happened. My ‘life started to flash before my eyes’ that is the best way I know how to explain an event that I really can’t explain. Not my whole life but just things that somehow I knew Jesus had put on my heart to do that I had not done. One after another and another they came; I was to call an old friend, ask that one to lunch, reach out to this person, go over and visit that one. One after another after another they flashed before me but not as any condemnation but as tremendous opportunities yet to serve.
I was so excited to see the opportunities before me I went and got a piece of paper to write them all down as I did not want to miss out on any of these. Again there is no way of explaining the sensation of seeing people you know God wants you to reach out to and to know that is exactly the good works he had planned in advance for you to do. It was mind blowing.
Once the list was as complete as I could make it, I then laid back down to confer again with Jesus with a clear repentance. I can’t imagine the prodigal son could have run down that road any faster than I wanted to get up with these people that night, but at 4am I was going to have to wait. I was already completely thrilled with what had happened so far when something even more miraculous happened.
All of the sudden a phenomenal golden light, a radiance that was so profound my heart screamed out, “YOU ARE GOING TO SEE HIS FACE, YOU ARE GOING TO SEE HIS FACE!” A Light you always knew was there but have never seen, a sensation of complete Worship I could perceive I was made for but had never experienced. A sensory explanation for my mind somehow to get wrapped around the concept of, “when we’ve been there ten thousand years”. This was the Glory of the Lord Shinning right here in my bedroom in Clemmons, NC. I threw back the covers and attempted to wake my wife up to share it with her I was so exhilarated.
As quickly as the Glory came it left but I could still sense Jesus there and as I lay back down the understanding washed over me like a giant wave on the beach as I lay silent letting it pound me. “Robby, now do you know what you want?” Jesus had come to show me a rare insight into my life my service. Not only did I have amazing adventures awaiting me of reaching out to people for God so loves the world Jesus loves to walk among the Lilies and the grape blossoms. As the beloved knew about her husband when she longed for Him and could not find Him. Song of Songs 7:2 “She: My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies.” Even better, (if at all possible) my heart has a deep yearning to see His face I did not know was there, but it was there long before I was born. I believe this phenomenal heart cry is in our DNA waiting to be released, it is my prayer that your reading of this event either reminds you of a similar experience or awakens your heart to your own encounter with The Fairest of Ten Thousand.