There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red. He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her and said, “Look my dear, it has begun to rain!” Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, “It’s too cold to rain. It must be sleeting.” The Czar shook his head and said, “I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”
What does the Dentist of the Year get? A little plaque.
How do you fix a broken tuba? With a “tuba glue.”
What do you call an elf who sings? A: a wrapper!
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
A song told me to Deck the Halls…so I did. Mr.and Mrs. Hall are not very happy.
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? A: Because it soot’s him
Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? A: Because the present’s beneath them.
Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? A: Tinselitis!
What did the little elves have to do when they got home from school? Gnome-work!
How did Scrooge with the football game?
The ghost of christmas passed!
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house!
This Christmas, in lieu of gifts, I’ve decided to give everyone my opinion!
One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn’t cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.
“Look at that,” remarked Peter to Joe, “That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!”
Three Wise Men
In a small Southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a “Quick Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You Yankees never do read the Bible!”
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said… “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise man came from afar.'”
It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.
Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Jimmy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
Pastor Mike walked up to Jimmy and said, “Well, Jimmy, where did you get the little infant?”
Jimmy replied, “I got him from the church.”
“And why did you take him?”
With a sheepish smile, Jimmy said, “Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it.”