Money Box, After 60 Years
A Man Is Startled When He Finds Out His Wife Has Been Hiding Something From Him For Over 60 Years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about it. Until one day….
For all these year, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
“When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you. I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.
“Honey,” he said, “that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?”
“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”
Strawberry and Cucumber Jargon
A strawberry and a cucumber grew up in the same garden patch. They were best buds growing up. As they grew older, they decided it was time to branch out, leave home, and see the world. So they hitched a ride on a nearby vegetable cart and took off.
Their first stop was at a local farmer’s market. Unfortunately, that’s where the trouble started. A big row broke out and they got separated, one of them ending up in a jam and the other in a pickle.
No One To Haul Donkey
A pastor awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there but knew he had to get rid of it. He called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to help him.
In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor and asked what could be done.
The mayor must have been having a bad day. “Why bother me?” he asked. “You’re a preacher; it’s your job to bury the dead.”
The pastor lost his cool, “Yes,” he snapped, “but I thought I should at least notify the next of kin.”
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, “I’ve got news for you. You’re going straight to Hades!”
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, “Oh man, I’m on the wrong bus!”
Q and A
Q: What doesn’t a ghost need in his house?
A: A living room!
Q: What is the surest way to double your money?
A: Fold it!
Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?
A: Because he was on a roll.
Q: How do you start a book about ducks?
A: With an introducktion.
Q: What animals are on legal documents?
Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
A: Their nose!
Q: Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the toilet?
A: Right now the cops have nothing to go on.
Q: What did one hair say to the other?
A: It takes two to tangle!
Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?
A: In sundae school.
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out, “green side up!”
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled, “green side up!”
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled, “green side up!”
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street
Confucius say: “He who neglects to pay his electric bill shall be de-lighted.”
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT
A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said,
‘Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side..’
Very quietly, the doctor said, ‘I don’t know..’
‘You don’t know? You’re, a Christian man, and don’t know what’s on the other side?’
The doctor was holding the handle of the door;
On the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, And as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room And leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said,
‘Did you notice my dog? He’s never been in this room before. He didn’t know what was inside.. He knew nothing except that his master was here, And when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.
I know little of what is on the other side of death,
But I do know one thing…
I know my Master is there and that is enough.’