Life Is Like A Camera….
Focus – on whats important.
Capture – the good times.
Develop – from the negatives.
And if things don’t work out, Take Another Shot.
“Quotes on the Female Condition!”
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck
A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t. Rhonda Hansome
The phrase “working mother” is redundant. Jane Sellman
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. Jennifer Unlimited
If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning. Catherine Aird
I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I’m also not blonde. Dolly Parton
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. Sue Grafton
I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on. Roseanne Barr
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. Maryon Pearson
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man-if you want anything done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher
If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? Linda Ellerbee
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. Eleanor Roosevelt
Q: How do you say goodbye to an evil vampire?
A: So long sucker!
Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes!
For Halloween, do what I’m doing – wear your normal clothes, carry a box of CornFlakes with a knife sticking out of it. You’ll be a cereal killer. The normal clothes is because serial killers look like everyone else.
Q: Which ghost is the best dancer?
A: The Boogie Man!
Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A: A stake sandwich.
Q: Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A: It raises their spirits.
Q: What is a Skeleton’s favorite song.
A: Bad to the Bone!
Q: Who are some of the were-wolves cousins?
A: The what-wolves and when-wolves.
Q: What do witches get at hotels?
A: Broom service!
Q: What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?
A: A pumpkin patch!!!
Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E and has thousands of letters in it?
A: Post Office.
Q: How do you kill a circus troupe?
A: Go for the juggler.
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar.
He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag’s side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.
The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, “What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That’s a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?”
The young boy was apologetic.
“Please, mister… please, I’m sorry but I didn’t know what else to do,” He pleaded. “I threw the brick because no one else would stop… ” With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car.
“It’s my brother,” he said. “He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can’t lift him up.”
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, “Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He’s hurt and he’s too heavy for me.”
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts.
A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.
“Thank you and may God bless you,” the grateful child told the stranger.
Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar.
The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message.
“Don’t go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!”
God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don’t have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us.
It’s our choice to listen or not.