New Cab Driver
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver, so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, jumped up in the air, and yanked the wheel over.
The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost, and came to a stop inches from a shop window.
The startled passenger said, “I didn’t mean to frighten you — I just wanted to ask you something.”
The taxi driver said, “It’s not your fault, sir. It’s my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a hearse for the past 25 years!”
What A Hoot
Each evening a bird lover, Tom, stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl. One night an owl called back to him.
For a year, Tom and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the “conversation.”
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife had a chat with her neighbor.
“My husband spends his nights calling out to owls,” she said.
“That’s odd,” the neighbor replied, “so does mine.”
“I hate flowers. I only paint them because they’re cheaper than models and they don’t move.” –Georgia O’Keefe
“You know your children have grown up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going.” –Unknown
When your wife says, “What do you think?” she is not asking for YOUR opinion. She is asking for HER opinion, from your mouth.
Doctor: You’re in good health. You’ll live to be eighty.
Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor…From here now on looks like you’re on over-time
Q: What’s the biggest moth in the world?
A: A mammoth!
Q: How do you take a pig to hospital?
A: By Hambulance!
Q and A Quickies
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights!
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
A modern parable about Precious Time and appreciating life’s finite nature
— By Jeffrey Davis
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.
I’m a Ham radio operator and spend some time working with radios and electronics. So when I heard this story it really made me think! I hope that you will find some application in your own life as well…
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it.
I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about “a thousand marbles.”
I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. “Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter’s dance recital.”
He continued, “Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of “a thousand marbles.”
“You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.”
“Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now stick with me Tom, I’m getting to the important part.”
“It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail,” he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.”
“So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to roundup 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.”
“I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.”
“Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast.
This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.”
“It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. 75 year Old Man, this is K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!”
You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss.
“C’mon honey, I’m taking you and the kids to breakfast.”
“What brought this on?” she asked with a smile.
“Oh, nothing special, it’s just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out? I need to buy some marbles.”