Brazilian

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Sermon Feedback

The Sunday morning service had ended, and the pastor was greeting parishioners as they were leaving. Everyone was friendly as they greeted him, but no one said anything about the sermon.

The pastor was getting a little concerned about that until someone said, “Oh, pastor, your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God.”

A little puzzled, the pastor asked him to explain what he meant.

The parishioner explained. “Well, pastor, that sermon reminded me of the peace of God because it passed all understanding. And it reminded me of the love of God because it endured forever.”

Thoughts as we Age
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop making me mad!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights.” I’m just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid … but it can muffle the sound!

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

Champs

Three guys are trying to sneak into the Olympic Village in Atlanta to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, “Let’s watch the registration table to see if there’s a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in.”

Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, “Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput.” He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant.

The attendant says, “Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information.”

HOT DOG! The first guy grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: “Chuck Wagon. Canada. Javelin.”

The attendant says, “Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!”

The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up the registration table, and states: “Dusty Rhodes. Australia. Discus.”

The attendant says, “Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself.”

They scamper in, but suddenly realize the third guy is missing. They groan – OH NO. He’s a simpleton from the hills of Vermont. They forgot to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid and blow their cover stories.

They spot him walking with a roll of barbed wire under his arm. He walks up the registration table and states: “Foster Bean. Hardwick, Vermont. Fencing.”

Question and Answer
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!

Doctor: Stay out of them places!

Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk?

A: Nightmares!

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?

A: You’re pointless!

Q: Why didn’t the oyster share the profits from his pearl?

A: He was shellfish.

Q: How many people are there in Rio?

A: At least a Brazilian.

Making Pancakes

Six-year-old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents pancakes He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter, opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor.
He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor, which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.
Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this to be something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very bad. He didn’t know what to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove and he didn’t know how the stove worked! Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away, knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky.
And just then, he saw Dad standing at the door. Big crocodile tears welled up in Brandon’s eyes. All he’d wanted to do was something good, but he’d made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was coming, maybe even a spanking. But, his father just watched him.
Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged him and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the process!
That’s how God deals with us. We try to do something good in life, but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a friend, or we can’t stand our job, or our health goes sour.
Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can’t think of anything else to do. That’s when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him.
But just because we might mess up, we can’t stop trying to “make pancakes” for God or for others. Sooner or later we’ll get it right, and then they’ll be glad we tried.
I was thinking, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that need rekindling or three words needing to be said… sometimes, “I love you” can heal and bless!
Suppose one morning you were called to God… do all of your friends know you care about them? Remind your special friends and relatives that you love them dearly, while you can, even if you don’t think they love back. You would be amazed at what those three little words, a smile, and a reminder like this can do.
Pass some of this love on to others… send this to everyone you love… and never stop “making pancakes.”

For more Devotional Humor and Inspirational Stories go to the ARCHIVES

 

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