One day, a police officer pulls over a guy. “Is there a problem officer?” the man asks him. “No, there’s no problem. I just noticed that you were driving so well that I wanted to give you this.” The officer replies handing him over a $100 bill, “So, what are you going to get with that money?”
The driver takes a minute to think then says, “Wow, uhh… I’ll probably get myself a license…”
The man in the passenger seat adds, “Don’t pay attention to him, he’s like that when he’s drunk.”
Another guy who was asleep in the baskseat wakes up to see the cop and says, “See! I told you guys we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car!”
Following that, there is a voice coming from the trunk, “Are we over the border yet?”
The School You Go To
What kind of school do you go to if you’re…
…an ice cream man? Sundae school.
…a giant? High school.
…a surfer? Boarding school.
…King Arthur? Knight school.
Games For The Elderly
Sag, You’re it
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions…shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc, Doc, Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Spin the Bottle…of Mylanta
9. Musical recliners.
Q AND A
Q: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 110 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 115 m.p.h. Where did they meet?
A: In jail!
Q: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”
Q: What do you get when you cross a wolf with a ceramicist?
A: A hairy potter.
Q: Why don’t chickens play sports?
A: Because they hit fowl balls
Q: Why did the orchestra have such bad manners?
A: Because it didn’t know how to conduct itself!
Q: Why do tropical fish live in saltwater?
A: Because pepper would make them sneeze.
Q: What does the gorilla call his girlfriend?
A: His prime mate.
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner.
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren’t sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it’s possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
Sherlock Holmes’s sister, Ella, was a bit confused–not that she suffered from dementia or anything–she simply was a bit “blonde.” She was always getting her two twins confused, even though they were fraternal, not identical, and everyone else could easily tell Patricia from Theresa.
One day Sherlock’s sister invited the great detective and his assistant to a piano recital that Patsy was to give the following evening. When she left, Sherlock’s assistant said, rather bewilderedly, to Sherlock, “I didn’t know Patsy was studying the piano.” To which Holmes replied,
“Ella meant Terry, my dear Watson.”
At the prodding of my friends I am writing this story. My name
is Mildred Honor. I am a former elementary school Music Teacher
from Des Moines, Iowa.
I have always supplemented my income by Teaching Piano Lessons…Something I have done for over 30 years. During those
years, I found that Children have many levels of musical ability,
and even though I have never had the prodigy, I have taught some very talented students. However, I have also had my share of what I call ‘Musically Challenged Pupils.’
One such Pupil being Robby. Robby was 11 years old when his
Mother (a Single Mom) dropped him off for his first Piano Lesson.
I prefer that Students (especially boys) begin at an earlier age,
which I explained to Robby. But Robby said that it had always been
his Mother’s Dream to hear him play the Piano, so I took him as a
At the end of each weekly Lesson he would always say ‘My Mom’s
going to hear me Play someday.’ But to me, it seemed hopeless, he
just did not have any Inborn Ability. I only knew his Mother from a
distance as she dropped Robby off or waited in her aged Car to pick
him up. She always waved and smiled, but never dropped in.
Then one day Robby stopped coming for his Lessons. I thought
about calling him, but assumed that because of his lack of ability
he had decided to pursue something else. I was also glad that he had stopped coming. He was a bad advertisement for my Teaching!
Several Weeks later I mailed a flyer recital to the students’ homes.
To my surprise, Robby (who had received a flyer) asked if he could
be in the Recital. I told him that the Recital was for current pupils
and that because he had dropped out, he really did not qualify.
He told me that his Mother had been Sick and Unable to take him to
his piano lessons, but that he had been practicing. ‘Please Miss
Honor, I’ve just got to play,’ he insisted. I don’t know what led me
to allow him to play in the Recital – perhaps it was his insistence
or maybe something inside of me saying that it would be all right.
The night of the Recital came and the high school gymnasium was
packed with parents, relatives and Friends. I put Robby last in the
program, just before I was to come up and thank all the students
and play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he might do
would come at the end of the program and I could always salvage
his poor performance through my ‘Curtain Closer’.
Well, the Recital went off without a hitch, the students had been
practicing and it showed. Then Robby came up on the stage. His
clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked as though he had run
an egg beater through it. ‘Why wasn’t he dressed up like the other
Students?‘ I thought. ‘Why didn’t his Mother at least make him comb
his hair for this Special Night?’
Robby pulled out the piano bench, and I was surprised when he
announced that he had chosen to play Mozart’s Concerto No.21
in C Major. I was not prepared for what I heard next. His fingers
were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on the Ivories.
He went from Pianissimo to Fortissimo, from Allegro to Virtuoso;
his Suspended Chords that Mozart demands were Magnificent!
Never had I heard Mozart played so well by anyone his age.
After six and a half minutes, he ended in a Grand Crescendo, and
everyone was on their feet in Wild Applause!!! Overcome and in
tears, I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in Joy.
‘I have never heard you Play like that Robby, how did you do it?’
Through the microphone Robby explained: ‘Well, Miss Honor,
Remember I told you that my Mom was sick? Well, she actually
had Cancer and passed away this morning. And well… she was
born deaf, so tonight was the first time she had ever heard me
play, and I wanted to make it Special.’
There wasn’t a dry eye in the house that evening. As people from
Social Services led Robby from the stage to be placed in to Foster
Care, I noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy. I thought to
myself then how much richer my life had been for taking Robby
as my Pupil.
No, I have never had a Prodigy, but that night I became a Prodigy…
of Robby. He was the Teacher and I was the Pupil, for he had taught
me the meaning of Perseverance and Love and Believing in Yourself,
and may be even taking a chance on someone and you didn’t know why.
Epilogue: Robby was killed years later in the senseless bombing of the Alfred P. Murray Federal Building in Oklahoma City in April, 1995.