Random Robby Ramblings

Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession.

You’d be a fool not to enjoy these funny April jokes and puns! So go on – shower yourself in laughter!

Why are so many people tired on April 1st? They just finished a 31 day March.

What is Mr. T’s favourite month? April, fools. He does Pity them

For April Fools, my girlfriend replaced my Alpha-Bits with Cheerios.

I have no words. OOOOOOOOOOO

Can February March? No, but April May.

Did you know bees become indecisive after April? They become maybees.

I promise this joke does not contain any horse puns whatsoever…

April Foals!

Babies born March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fools Day.

They were literally born yesterday.

Excuse me, sir. Do you think they named April Fools’ Day in your honor?

In Denver, the members of a Sunday­-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths. One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.”

Buffaloes

Tourist: “Say, look at that big bunch of buffaloes.”

Ranch Hand: “Not ‘bunch’ — ‘herd.'”

Tourist: “Heard what?”

Ranch Hand: “Herd of buffaloes.”

Tourist: “Sure, I’ve heard of buffaloes. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”

BONUS FUNNY:
Some buffalo were grazing on the range when a tourist said, “Those are the mangiest, scroungiest beasts I have ever seen.”
One buffalo turned to the other and said, “You know…I think I just heard a discouraging word.”

A True Puzzler

A soldier, a sailor and an airman were sitting together having a beer and they begin to discuss the greatest technological inventions of the modern world.

“It is the laser,” said the soldier, an man of obviously superior intellect. “The laser, because with it, you can determine the precise range to an enemy target, you can use it to gather important telemetry information and you can even use it for photography that is almost tri-dimensional.”

“No,” interjected the sailor, also an intelligent person, but obviously standing in the shadow of the soldier’s phenomenal mind. “It is radar. With radar you can track incoming aircraft and missiles, you can determine the speed of the particular vehicles that are approaching your ship and, if you use it right, you can even heat your lunch.”

“I disagree,” said the airman, a man of, well he’s an airman and all airmen are borne out of a diminishing gene pool. “The greatest invention is the thermos.”

“The thermos?!!?” exclaimed the other two.

“Yup, a thermos,” he said. “I mean, jus’ think about it. If you want something hot you put hot stuff in it. If you want cold, you put cold stuff in it.”

“Yeah, so?” quizzed the other two.

“Well,” said the airman, “how does it know?”

Reverse Wisdom

A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, Dr. Wilson said it had. I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone.

“Fine,” I said. “I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn’t have?”

“It wasn’t a boy,” replied Dr. Wilson

Heavenly Kids

The Sunday school teacher asked, “How many of you children would like to go to Heaven?”

All raised their hands except little Ronnie. The teacher asked him why not.

“I’m sorry,” Ronnie replied. “Mommy told me to come right home after Sunday school.”

Nicely Done

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

The End is Near

Every time a little boy went to a playmate’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him.

“Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much?” he asked.

“I’m not sure,” said his friend, “but I think she’s cramming for her finals.”

Dress Rehearsal

“Nothing looks good on me anymore,” wailed a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department store’s mirror.

“Nonsense, ma’am,” soothed the salesclerk. “That dress says it all.”

“That’s the problem,” the woman replied. “I need a dress that keeps its mouth shut.”

The Story of The Claw

A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…”

At your service

Mrs. Smythe was making final arrangements for an elaborate reception. “Nora,” she said to her veteran servant, “for the first half-hour I want you to stand at the drawing-room door and call the guests’ names as they arrive.”

Nora’s face lit up. “Thank you, ma’am,” she replied. “I’ve been wanting to do that to some of your friends for the last 20 years.”

The Greatest Thanksgiving

“Are you going grocery shopping today?” my husband, Roy asked when I picked up the telephone.

“I plan to,” I answered.

Thanksgiving was only a couple days away. Everyone in our family would be coming to our house. My funds were limited, therefore my box of coupons awaited me in the car. I knew I had to be creative in my shopping that day. I had to stretch every dollar.

For a few seconds, Roy sat silently on the other end of the line. “Why do you ask?” I uttered, fearing what he might say.

“Nancy, there’s a family with a half dozen kids that will not have anything to eat for Thanksgiving. The little one is only five-years-old.”

“So what are you saying?” I whispered.

“While you’re at the store could you possibly buy something for them?” Roy’s words echoed in my heart. Groceries a five-year-old— eight in the family. My head began to spin thinking about the fifty dollars I had reserved for our family’s Thanksgiving dinner.

In the back of my mind I counted the hungry guests who would be coming to our house for dinner. I put my head down on my desk, already feeling defeated.

There’s no way possible, I thought. But the compassion I heard in my husband’s voice struck a nerve inside me.

“Sure,” I replied. “But only if God helps.”

“Thanks, sweetheart,” Roy whispered. “Just do what you can.” He then hung up the telephone. I finished my work and prayed all the way to the nearest grocery store.

I entered the parking lot. I noticed a big sign in the grocery store window: Turkeys – 29 cents a pound.

“This is the place, Lord” I whispered. I grabbed my box of coupons, went inside, secured two buggies, and headed to the frozen foods. The turkeys were indeed on sale, but I discovered one big problem. When I read the sign posted on the freezer door my heart sank. “Limit one.”

“But I need two,” I uttered to myself. I decided to find the manager. I explained the problem. He made an exception.

After tossing a turkey in each buggy, I began my shopping fury. It was amazing how many buy-one, get-one free items were being featured that day. The first item went into one buggy. The free item went in the other. In addition, I had all the right coupons to get exactly what both families needed for a hearty Thanksgiving dinner. I proceeded to the register and held my breath while the cashier rang up my groceries.

To my surprise, I had enough money. I was even able to purchase a package of cookies for the five-year-old who had stolen my heart, even though I had never met her.

Later that afternoon, Roy and I made a special delivery to a home filled with children of all ages. I will never forget the smiles on the six kids’ faces, as they made several trips from my car carrying numerous bags of groceries inside.

This event reminded me of a story. Even though He only had a few loaves and fishes, Jesus multiplied them and fed five thousand people. And to top it off, there was food left over. I wondered if God was doing the same thing that day.

By far, that was the greatest Thanksgiving Day of my life. My entire family shared a hearty meal with us. We had plenty to eat. We even had enough food left over for the evening meal.

That afternoon, when I had time to think about what had happened, I imagined a home, not far from where I lived. There was a mother and a father and six children sitting around the kitchen table, laughing and rejoicing. They enjoyed the same meal that our family had shared together that day.

Then I realized that miracles happen when we step out in faith and in steps God. For with us, some things are impossible. But with God, all things are possible.

~ Nancy B. Gibbs ~