SANTA FLIGHT CHECK
Like all pilots, Santa gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.
In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer.Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa’s flying skills to the test.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses,the landing gear, and Rudolf’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations for the sled’s enormous payload.
Finally, they were ready for the test ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa’s surprise, a shotgun.
“What’s that for?!?” asked Santa incredulously.
The examiner winked and said, “I know I’m not supposed to tell you this ahead of time,” as he leaned over to whisper in Santa’s ear, “but you’re gonna lose an engine on takeoff.”
I just NEED to vent…I have had enough!!! I’ll never help anyone again…EVER!!! I’m too kindhearted, or just stupid!
The other day it was so cold out that I took a man into my home out of the kindness of my heart. I felt so sorry for him. Poor thing looked about froze out there in the cold. Couldn’t even talk or move. But the next morning he had just vanished. Not a word…no goodbye or even a thank you for sheltering him!The last straw was when I realized he had went all over my living room floor,what a MESS! That’s the thanks I get for being good to people???
I want to warn my friends to watch out for this man!He is heavy set, wearing nothing but a hat and scarf, he has a nose that looks like a carrot, two black eyes, and his arms are so skinny they look like sticks! Don’t bring him into your house!! He will make a huge mess on the floor and then disappear!
A couple were visiting Russia for the first time. They were taking a guided tour, and Rudolph, their guide, was very informative about all of the sights. Unfortunately, about half-way through the tour, the weather started to take a turn for the worse.
The man commented, “Well, it looks like it’s starting to sleet, and we’ll be seeing some snow soon.” Their guide said, “No worries, it’s just a little rain. We’ll be okay.” But the man was insistent that it was going to snow.
After several minutes of arguing, the man’s wife turned to him and said,”This is getting ridiculous. Rudolph the Red knows rain, Dear.”
This year I made my Christmas wreath out of Franklin Fir branches. I really like a wreath of Franklin.
I considered atheism, but there weren’t enough holidays.
Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth; Goodwill to Men; and Batteries not included.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I bought her nothing.
How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 4.2 kg? Cause A Weigh In A Manger…just sayin
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Teach The Children
This is how it happened…I just finished the household chores for the night and was preparing to go to bed, when I heard a noise in the front of the house. I opened the door to the front room and to my surprise, Santa himself stepped out from behind the Christmas tree.
He placed his finger over his mouth so I would not cry out. “What are you doing?” I started to ask. The words choked up in my throat,and I saw he had tears in his eyes. His usual jolly manner was gone. Gone was the eager, boisterous soul we all know.
He then answered me with a simple statement.
“TEACH THE CHILDREN!”
I was puzzled; what did he mean? He anticipated my question, and with one quick movement brought forth a miniature toy bag from behind the tree. As I stood bewildered, Santa said,
“Teach the children! Teach them the old meaning of Christmas. The meaning that now-a-days Christmas has forgotten.”
In his bag and pulled out a FIR TREE and placed it before the mantel.
“Teach the children that the pure green color of the stately fir tree remains green all year round, depicting the everlasting hope of mankind, all the needles point heavenward, making it a symbol of man’s thoughts turning toward heaven.”
He again reached into his bag and pulled out a brilliant STAR.
“Teach the children that the star was the heavenly sign of promises long ago.God promised a Savior for the world, and the star was the sign of fulfillment of His promise.”
He then reached into his bag and pulled out a CANDLE.
“Teach the children that the candle symbolizes that Christ is the light of the world, and when we see this great light we are reminded of He who displaces the darkness.”
Once again he reached into his bag and removed a WREATH and placed it on the tree.
“Teach the children that the wreath symbolizes the real nature of love. Real love never ceases. Love is one continuous round of affection.”
He then pulled from his bag an ornament of himself.
“Teach the children that I, St. Nick, Santa Claus) symbolize the generosity and good will we feel during the month of December.”
He then brought out a HOLLY LEAF.
“Teach the children that the holly plant represents immortality. It represents the crown of thorns worn by our Savior. The red holly represents the blood shed by Him.”
Next he pulled from his bag a GIFT and said,
“Teach the children that God so loved the world that HE gave HIS only begotten SON…” “Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift.
“Teach the children that the wise men bowed before the Holy BABE and presented HIM with gold, frankincense and myrrh. We should always give gifts in the same spirit of the wise men.”
Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a CANDY CANE and hung it on the tree.
“Teach the children that the candy cane represents the shepherds’ crook. The crook on the staff helps to bring back strayed sheep to the flock. The candy cane is the symbol that we are our brother’s keeper.”
He reached in again and pulled out an ANGEL.
“Teach the children that it was the angels that heralded in the glorious news of the Savior’s birth. The angels sang ‘Glory to God in the highest, on earth peace and good will toward men.”
Suddenly I heard a soft twinkling sound, and from his bag he pulled out a BELL.
“Teach the children that as the lost sheep are found by the sound of the bell,it should ring mankind to the fold. The bell symbolizes guidance and return.”
Santa looked back and was pleased. He looked back a tme and I saw that the twinkle was back in his eyes. He said,
“Remember, teach the children the true meaning of Christmas and do not put me in the center, for I am but a humble servant of the One that is, and I bow down to worship HIM, our LORD, our GOD.”