ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
~ Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket.
~ Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
~ Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
~ All work and no play can make you a basket case.
~ Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
~ Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
~ Keep your paws off other people’s jellybeans.
~ The grass is always greener in someone else’s basket.
~ An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
~ To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
~ The best things in life are still sweet and gooey!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
What’s wrong with Easter jokes? They crack you up
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade? It was eggs-cellent
How does the Easter bunt stay fit? Eggs-ercise
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled
What do you call a mischievous egg? A practical yolker
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after
What do you call an egg from outer space? An “Egg-stra terrestial”
What sport are the eggs good at? Running
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot? It’s been nice gnawing you
Why Did the Easter Egg Hide? Because he was a little chicken.
How Does The Easter Bunny Stay Healthy? Egg-sercise
Where Does the Easter Bunny Eat Breakfast? At IHOP
What Day Do Easter Eggs Hate the Most? Fry-Days
Did You Hear About the Lady Whose House Was Infested With Easter Eggs? She had to call an eggs-terminator!
Where Does the Easter Bunny Study Medicine? Johns HOPkins
What Is The Easter Bunny’s Favorite State Capital? Albunny, New York
What Do You Call A Sleepy Easter Egg? Egg-zosted!
Why Was the Easter Bunny Arrested? For hare-assment
How Did the Wet Easter Bunny Dry Off? With a hare dryer.
What ’60s music group can kill germs? : The Bleach Boys!
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
Think About It
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together and only one of them knows it.
A mobile home with a flat tire is a home.
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
April 1st National Atheist Day
Three Atheists just died and are at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them that they can enter heaven if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first Atheist, “WHAT IS EASTER?”
The first Atheist replies, “Oh, that’s easy, it’s the holiday in November when everybody gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful…”
“WRONG,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second Atheist the same question, “WHAT IS EASTER?”
The second Atheist replies, “No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Santa Claus.”
St. Peter looks at the second Atheist, shakes his head in disgust, goes to the third Atheist and asks, “WHAT IS EASTER?”
The third Unitarian smiles and looks St. Pete in the eye.
“I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and the disciples were eating at the Last Supper, and He was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by Judas, one of the disciples. The Romans took Him to Pontius Pilate, made Him wear a crown of thorns, and He was hung on a cross. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder. Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if He sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter.”
How does the Easter Bunny keep his coat looking good? Harespray!
Do You Believe in Easter?-
A Fictional Yet Wonderful story by Russel Kelfer
The Lady’s name was Edith Burns. She was a wonderful Christian who lived in San Antonio, Texas. She was the patient of a fine Christian doctor by the name of Will Phillips, a gentle doctor who saw patients as people. His favorite patient was Edith Burns.
One morning he went to his office with a heavy heart and it was because of Edith Burns. When he walked into that waiting room, there sat Edith with her big black Bible in her lap. She was earnestly talking to a young mother sitting beside her. Dr. Phillips knew why Edith was there and what she was doing. You see, Edith Burns had a habit of introducing herself in this way: “Hello, my name is Edith Burns. Do you believe in Easter?” Then she would explain the meaning of Easter, and many times people would be saved.
Dr. Phillips said to the nurse, “Beverly, don’t call Edith into the office quite yet. I believe there is another delivery taking place in the waiting room.
After being called back in the doctor’s office, Edith sat down and when she took a look at the doctor she said, “Dr. Will, why are you so sad? Are you reading your Bible? Are you praying?”
Dr. Phillips said, “Now Edith, I’m the doctor and you’re the patient.” With a heavy heart he said, “your lab report came back and it says you have cancer, and Edith, you’re not going to live very long.”
Edith said, “Why Will Phillips, shame on you. Why are you so sad? Do you think God makes mistakes? You have just told me I’m going to see my precious Lord Jesus, my husband, and my friends. You have just told me that I am going to celebrate Easter forever, and here you are having difficulty giving me my ticket!”
Dr. Phillips thought to himself, “What a magnificent woman this Edith Burns is!”
Edith continued coming to Dr. Phillips every day. Christmas came and the office was closed through January 3rd. On the day the office opened, Edith did not show up. Later that afternoon, Edith called Dr. Phillips and said she would have to be moving her story to the hospital and said, “Will, I’m very near home, so would you make sure that they put women in here next to me in my room who need to know about Easter.
Well, they did just that and women began to come in and share that room with Edith. Many women were gloriously saved. Everybody on that floor from staff to patients were so excited about Edith, that they started calling her Edith Easter; everyone except Phyllis Cross, the head nurse. She made it plain that she wanted nothing to do with Edith because she was a “religious nut.”
She had been a nurse in an army hospital. She had seen it all and heard it all. She was the original G.I. Jane. She had been married three times, and she was hard, cold, and did everything by the book. Well, one morning the two nurses who were to attend to Edith were sick, and Phyllis Cross had to go in and give her a flu shot. When she walked in, Edith had a big smile on her face and said, “Phyllis, God loves you and I love you, and I have been praying for you.”
Phyllis Cross said, “Well, you can quit praying for me, you religious nut, it won’t work. I’m not interested.” Edith said, “Well, I will pray and I have asked God not to let me go home until you come into the family.” Phyllis Cross said, “Then you will never die because that will never happen.” She walked out of the room.
Every day Phyllis Cross would walk into that room and Edith would say, “God loves you Phyllis and I love you, and I’m praying for you.” One day Phyllis Cross said she was literally drawn to Edith’s room like a magnet would draw iron. She sat down on the bed and Edith said, “I’m so glad you have come, because God told me that today is your special day.”
Phyllis Cross said, “Edith, you have asked everybody here the question, ‘Do you believe in Easter?’ but you have never asked me.”
Edith said, “Phyllis, I wanted to many times, but God told me to wait until you asked, and now that you have asked…” She took her Bible and shared with Phyllis Cross the Easter Story of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Then she asked, “Phyllis, do you believe in Easter? Do you believe that Jesus Christ is alive and that He wants to live in your heart?”
Phyllis Cross said, “Oh I want to believe that with all of my heart, and I do want Jesus in my life.”
Right there, Phyllis Cross prayed and invited Jesus Christ into her heart. For the first time Phyllis Cross did not walk out of a hospital room, she was carried out on the wings of angels.
Two days later, Phyllis Cross came in and Edith said, “Do you know what day it is?”
Phyllis Cross said, “Why Edith, it’s Good Friday.”
Edith said, “Oh, no, for you every day is Easter. Happy Easter Phyllis!”
Well, two days later, on Easter Sunday, Phyllis Cross came into work, did some of her duties and then went down to the flower shop and got some Easter lilies because she wanted to go up to see Edith and give her those Easter lilies and wish her a Happy Easter. When she walked into Edith’s room, Edith was in bed.
That big black Bible was on her lap. Her hands were in that Bible and there was a sweet smile on her face. When Phyllis Cross went to pick up Edith’s hand, she realized Edith was dead. Her left hand was on John 14: “In my Father’s house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.”
Her right hand was on Revelation 21:4, “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying; and there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Phyllis Cross took one look at that dead body, and then lifted her face toward heaven, and with tears streaming down here cheeks, said, “Happy Easter, Edith Burns – Happy Easter!”
Phyllis Cross left Edith’s body, walked out of the room, and over to a table where two student nurses were sitting. She said, “My name is Phyllis Cross. Do you believe in Easter?