A group of early settlers heading West got off the Oregon Trail and found themselves lost and running out of supplies. One evening, they camped near a stream, and as it became darker, they saw a campfire a little way up the hill on the same stream.
The next morning, they headed out to see who was there. They found a small cave and an old Rabi had made his home there.
“We’re lost and hungry, can you help us?”
He thought a moment, then said, “I have very little and can only share the water in this stream, and I know only that there’s a Bacon Tree about a mile West of here along the stream.”
They couldn’t pack up and roll out fast enough, the thought of BACON filled their minds. As they went through a small narrow gorge, they were accosted by a band of Walla Walla Indians who were not happy to see them and would have robbed them if they had anything of value.
Beaten up and nursing a few wounds, they got out, but the leader of the group went back to the old Rabi with several men, all of them angry. “You said there was a Bacon Tree, and all we found was an Ambush by angry Indians!”
The Rabi thought a moment, adjusted his little round glasses, looked up and said. “Oy Vey! Ham Bush, Bacon Tree, who knew?”
A hobo came up to the front door of the neat looking farmhouse and knocked gently on the door. When the owner answered, the hobo asked, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had a good meal in several days.”
The owner said, “I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I never give anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal.”
So the hobo went around back and a little later he again knocked on the door. The owner said, “Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in.”
The hobo said, “Thank you very much, sir. But there is something that I think you should know. It’s not a Porch, it’s a BMW.”
Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter?
Q: Why would Snow White make a good judge?
A: Because she’s the fairest one of all.
Elementary Kids Saying
- “When I worked with kindergarten children, we took them on an outing one afternoon and they all came back very tired at the end of the day. So they were all looking at books in the story corner by themselves, quietly waiting for their parents to pick them up. This little girl had been looking at a story for a good ten minutes, but all of a sudden she looked at me, and with an accusing/confused look on her face shouted: ‘Wait a minute … I CAN’T READ!'”
- “I was helping a kindergartner with some reading, and we were reading a story about fathers. The little girl stops and says, ‘My mom still has her father!’ I said ‘That’s good,’ and she responds with, ‘Yep, he’s in a vase in the living room!'”
- “One of my fifth graders came up with this: ‘The First Amendment for birds is freedom of SCREECH!'”
- Student A: I can spell my mom’s name. Me: Oh yeah? How do you spell it? Student A: M-O-M. Student B: That’s how you spell MY mom’s name, too!
Vicki had been writing and praying for an inmate in a Georgia prison because she cared about prisoners. “Everybody knows they’re out there but nobody wants to deal with them,” she says. She’d been writing the inmate for several months when she and her family signed up for a church mission trip to Peru.
It was a tough time for Vicki. She’d been laid off from her job and finances were tight. “My husband and I are like most people,” she says. “We had a house payment, care payment and other bills to pay.” But she believed that she was called to go on that mission trip as much as she was called to pray for prisoners.
“I’ll raise the money by collecting aluminum cans,” she told everybody. But she also asked for prayers, and very naturally asked her inmate pen pal for his prayers and the prayers of other inmates.
One day she got a letter from another inmate at the same prison, Tom, a fellow she hadn’t written. “I’d like to sponsor you to go to Peru,” Tom wrote. At first she thought this had to be some joke. How was a prisoner going to send her money and where would his money come from? But she wrote back and gave Tom all the details.
The next week Tom replied, explaining that his mother had died leaving him some money and he wanted to something good with it, “furthering the kingdom of God,” as he said, and that’s why he wanted to sponsor the whole family.
Vicki didn’t tell anyone. She couldn’t believe it was real. But then she got a call from the law firm handling Tom’s finances. The gift Tom wanted to make was no joke.
In June last year Vicki traveled to the prison in Georgia to thank Tom, the only time they’ve met face-to-face. “Thank you,” she said. “No, thank you,” Tom responded. “You have made me feel like part of your family when I had no family.” By the end they were both in tears.
Vicki continues to pray for Tom and sees God working in his life. But then, both of their lives have been transformed.