BUREAUCRACY IN ACTION
1. Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the Banana.
2. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result–all the apes are sprayed with cold water.
3. Turn off the cold water. If later another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.
4. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
5. Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
6. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.
7. After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced.
Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?
“BECAUSE that’s the way it’s always been done around here.”
Q. Why doesn’t The Mummy take vacations?A. He’s afraid he’ll relax and unwind.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it’s time to get up
Not to brag, but I went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there. It was the bathroom, but still…
Charlotte, NC (AP) – A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Mecklenburg County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Carolina Panthers Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Q: Why did the student wear glasses in math class? A: Because it helps to improve division.
A man goes to the Doctor with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear.
“That looks nasty,” says the doctor.
“Nasty?” replies the man, “this is just the tip of the iceberg!”
Q: What is the best way to carve wood? A: Whittle by whittle!
Q: How do you make a strawberry shake? A: Put it in the freezer!
Q: How much does a pirate pay for his earrings? A: A buccaneer!
Q: What size of soap does a judge use? A: Trial size!
The pastor of a church decides that God is calling the church to a new vision of what it is to be and do. So at the elders meeting, he presents the new vision with as much energy, conviction and passion as he can muster. When he had finished and sat down, the senior elder called for a vote. All 12 elders voted against the new vision, with only the clergyman voting for it.
“Well, pastor, it looks like you will have to think again,” says the senior elder. “Would you like to close the meeting in prayer?”
So the pastor stands up, raises his hand to heaven, and prays, “LOOOOOOORD!…will you please show these people that this is not MY vision but it is YOUR vision! If so will you bring down Your Fire right here and now”
At that moment, the clouds darken, the thunder rolls, and a streak of lightning bursts through the window and strikes in two the table at which they are sitting, throwing the pastor and all the elders to the ground.
After a moment’s silence, as they all get up and dust themselves off, the senior elder speaks again.
“Well then, that’s twelve votes to two”
The Gift Beyond Imagination
A story of the gift of love
The gift was simple…the gift was small… But the promise it held was larger than life!
What made it so special was that it was a gift from Mary Em’s grandmother. Gram had wrapped it in a beautiful scrap of red silk scarf.
Mary Em rushed to open it, but when the gift fell out, she just looked at it. It was just a seed – a tiny black seed. Why did Gram leave her a seed before she died?
Mary Em was eight, and her Gram had said she would be leaving soon on a trip to Heaven. Gram assured her that before she left, she would leave her a special gift…a gift beyond imagination.
The little girl clung to the promise of the gift as she saw her grandmother begin to fade away. The cancer had made her so thin and frail, but Gram still smiled and said Jesus would be traveling with her on this trip.
Even now, two weeks after Gram had left on her “new journey”, as she had called it, Mary Em clung to the promise. But a seed…? What had Gram been thinking? Tears of disappointment began to drip down Mary Em’s face. She had hoped for more. But what was there left to do now, except to plant the tiny seed.
An old clay pot was found behind the shed and filled with chilled spring dirt. She placed the seed deep into the soil as she thought of Gram. Two long months had passed and oh, how she still missed her! New tears of sadness and grief slid down her cheeks gently watering the seed’s new resting place.
As the days and weeks passed, Mary Em cared for the seed. She placed the pot in a sunny spot, watered it, and waited. As she waited, she remembered…Gram’s smile, the fun they had baking cookies together, the way Gram pushed her high into the air on the swing until squeals of delight escaped her lips. As she remembered, she didn’t feel as sad anymore.
Finally about a week into summer, the tiny plant poked its head above the soil and drank in the rays of sunlight. Every day it grew taller and stronger as Mary Em cared for it. The small plant quickly grew and soon bloomed into a beautiful red poppy – just like the ones Gram had grown in her garden!
Mary Em loved to wake up to the little flower every morning. It was like hearing Gram say “I love you” each and every day. But then one morning, the poppy began to droop and hang its head. Mary Em watered it more and moved it to a sunnier spot. In spite of all her efforts though, the little poppy shriveled and died. Mary Em couldn’t bear to throw it away. She just left it there on her window sill. Now it brought sad thoughts – thoughts of Gram’s sickness and death.
Many weeks later, the air began to chill and the leaves began to tumble off the trees. Winter was on its way. Mary Em decided it was time to throw out the remains of the little poppy. As she did though, tiny black specks began to fall. They were seeds!
That is when Mary Em remembered what Gram had said – “Winter may come, but that just means Spring is on its way.” With this thought, Mary Em began to smile. She now understood that Gram’s spring had come in Heaven! She also realized the preciousness of Gram’s gift. The real gift was a lesson about life, a lesson about Christ – wrapped in the red scarf of His love, the seed of our life continues to live even after death and leaves even more seeds behind to be planted in the hearts of others. Truly He is the gift “beyond imagination.”
Note to the reader about “The Gift”:
The seed of God’s love was once wrapped in a draping of red…His Son’s blood. Even when Jesus appeared to be dead and buried, life was born anew as the Father raised Him from the dead. The Bible says in 1 John 5:12, “He who has the Son, has the life; he who does not have the Son of God, does not have the life.” Just like a flower, our earthly bodies will shrivel and die, but because of God’s gift life will go on for us, and the seeds we have planted in this life will be left – seeds of memories, seeds of love, seeds of the Gospel of Jesus Christ which hold eternal life – a gift truly beyond imagination.