Angel’s Described by Children
–Gregory, Age 5
I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold.
–Olive, Age 9
Everybody’s got it all wrong. Angels don’t wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
–Matthew, Age 9
It’s not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, and then there’s still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
–Mitchell, Age 9
Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.
–Henry, Age 8
My guardian angel helps me with math, but he’s not much good for science.
–Jack, Age 6
Angels don’t eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows.
–Daniel, Age 9
Angels talk all the way while they’re flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.
–Reagan, Age 10
When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there’s a tornado.
Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter.
Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who’s a very good carpenter.
All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn’t go for it.
My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don’t make the animals get better, they help the child get over it
What I don’t get about angels is why, when someone is in love , they shoot arrows at them.
Hold Your Horses Doc
A mother took her daughter Carlene, who was not yet old enough to read, to the eye doctor for a check-up.
The doctor used pictures to help determine how well Carlene was seeing. He showed Carlene a picture of a horse and asked, “How many legs does this horse have?”
Instead of saying the expected answer of “four,” Carlene answered, “Same as any other horse!”
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old-timer,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”
There’s always a lot to be thankful for, if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, those Turkeys dead.”
Asked to write a composition entitled, “What I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving,” little Johnny wrote, “I’m thankful that I’m not a turkey.”
HAVE YOU BEEN HERE…?
I’ve been in many places, but I’ve never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family, and boss.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.
I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.
I may have been in Continent, but I don’t remember what country that was in. It’s an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
Have you ever seen a plumber bite his nails?
Hard work is the yeast that raises the dough.
What do frogs eat with their hamburgers? A: French flies.
I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked “Electronic cat and dog caller — guaranteed to work.” I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.
Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison
Enclosed with this memo is a C.E.B.U.S. “Computer Emergency Backup System” device designed to meet short-time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure or operational delay. This device is the company’s Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison device (P.E.N.C.I.L.). This device has been field tested extensively, including certification testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained, the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input.
Prior to use, the (P.E.N.C.I.L.) will require preparation and testing. Tools and supplies required will be: a sharpened knife or grinding device, and a supply of computer paper (with or without holes).
Gripping the device firmly in your hand, proceed to scrape or grind the wooded end until it has a cone-like appearance. The dark core area must be exposed to properly function. (Left-handed employees should read this sentence backwards and then go to their supervisor for assistance.)
Place a single sheet of computer paper on a smooth, hard surface. Take the backup device, place the sharpened point against the paper, and pull it across the paper. If properly done, this will input a single line.
CAUTION: Excessive force may damage components of the device or damage the data reception device. If either the P.E.N.C.I.L. or the paper is damaged, go back to the preparation instructions above.
Proper use of the device will require data simulation input by the operator. Placing the device against the computer page forming symbols as closely resembling the computer lettering system you normally use. At the completion of each of the simulated letters, lift the device off the page, move it slightly to the right, replace it against the page, and form the next symbol. This may appear tedious, and somewhat redundant, but, with practice, you should be able to increase your speed and accuracy.
The P.E.N.C.I.L. is equipped with a manual deletion device.
The device is located on the reverse end of the P.E.N.C.I.L. Error deletions operate similarly to the “backspace” key on your computer. Simply place the device against the erroneous data, and pull it backwards over the letters. This should remove the error and enable you to resume data entries.
CAUTION: Excessive force may damage the data reception device. Insufficient force, however, may result in less than acceptable deletion and may require re-initialization of action as above.
This device is designed with user maintenance in mind. However, if technical support is required, you can still call your local computer desk supervisor at (800)-YOU-DUMMY.
The boy stood with back arched, head cocked back and hands clenched defiantly. “Go ahead, give it to me.”
The principal looked down at the young rebel. “How many times have you been here?”
The child sneered rebelliously, “Apparently not enough.”
The principal gave the boy a strange look. “And you have been punished each time have you not?”
“Yeah, I been punished, if that’s what you want to call it.” He threw out his small chest, “Go ahead I can take whatever you dish out. I always have.”
“And no thought of your punishment enters your head the next time you decide to break the rules does it?”
“Nope, I do whatever I want to do. Ain’t nothin’ you people gonna do to stop me either.”
The principal looked over at the teacher who stood nearby. “What did he do this time?”
“Fighting. He took little Tommy and shoved his face into the sandbox.”
The principal turned to look at the boy, “Why? What did little Tommy do to you?”
“Nothin’. I didn’t like the way he was lookin’ at me, just like I don’t like the way your lookin’ at me! And if I thought I could do it, I’d shove your face into something.” The teacher stiffened and started to rise but a quick look from the principal stopped him.
He contemplated the child for a moment and then quietly said, “Today, my young student, is the day you learn about grace.”
“Grace? Isn’t that what you old people do before you sit down to eat? I don’t need none of your stinkin’ grace.”
“Oh, but you do.” The principal studied the young mans face and whispered. “Oh yes, you truly do…”
The boy continued to glare as the principal continued, “Grace, in its short definition, is unmerited favor. You cannot earn it–it is a gift and is always freely given. It means that you will not be getting what you so richly deserve.”
The boy looked puzzled. “You’re not gonna whup me? You just gonna let me walk?”
The principal looked down at the unyielding child. “Yes, I am going to let you walk.”
The boy studied the face of the principal, “No punishment at all? Even though I socked Tommy and shoved his face into the sandbox?”
“Oh, there has to be punishment. What you did was wrong and there are always consequences to our actions. There will be punishment. Grace is not an excuse for doing wrong.”
“I knew it,” sneered the boy as he held out his hands. “Lets get on with it.”
The principal nodded toward the teacher. “Bring me the belt.” The teacher presented the belt to the principal.
He carefully folded it in two and then handed it back to the teacher. He looked at the child and said. “I want you to count the blows.” He slid out from behind his desk and walked over to stand directly in front of the young man. He gently reached out and folded the child’s outstretched, expectant hands together and then turned to face the teacher with his own hands outstretched.
One quiet word came forth from his mouth. “Begin.” The belt whipped down on the outstretched hands of the principal.
Crack! The young man jumped ten feet in the air. Shock registered across his face, “One” he whispered.
Crack! “Two.” His voice raised an octave. Crack! “Three…” He couldn’t believe this. Crack!
“Four.” Big tears welled up in the eyes of the rebel. “OK stop! That’s enough. Stop!”
Crack! Came the belt down on the callused hands of the principal.
Crack! The child flinched with each blow, tears beginning to stream down his face.
Crack! Crack! “No please”, the former rebel begged, “Stop, I did it, I’m the one who deserves it. Stop! Please. Stop…”
Still the blows came–Crack! Crack! One after another. Finally it was over.
The principal stood with sweat glistening across his forehead and beads trickling down his face. Slowly he knelt down. He studied the young man for a second and then his swollen hands reached out to cradle the face of the weeping child.
“Grace…” he simply said.