Let Him Be Done
There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, “Hello, I’m Gladys Dunn.”
And the gentleman replied, “You’re not the only one ma’am, I’m glad it’s done too!”
The Policeman couldn’t believe his eyes as he saw the woman drive past him, busily knitting. Quickly he pulled along the vehicle, wound down his window and shouted, “Pull over!”
“No,” she replied, “they’re socks!”
Q: Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?
A: Because he didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!
UNBELIEVABLE!!! THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
“On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”
“The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”
“No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”
“All though the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”
“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”
“I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”
“When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”
“We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: “Guess who?”
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: “Guess where!”
Never Out Of Style
At my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary, I was looking through a photo album of their marriage ceremony. “Grandma, so many of these styles have come back over the years,” I commented.
Grandma never hesitated. “That’s why I’ve kept Grandpa all this time,” she said. “I know he’ll be back in style again one of these days.”
The Young Martyr
On the afternoon of August 9, 1853, a little Norwegian boy, named Kund Iverson, who lived in the city of Chicago, Ill., was going to the pastures for his cow, as light-hearted, I suppose, as boys usually are when going to the pasture on a summer afternoon.
He came at length to a stream of water, where there was a gang of idle, ill-looking, big boys, who, when they saw Kund, came up to him, and said they wanted him to go into Mr. Elston’s garden and steal some apples. “No,” said Kund promptly; “I cannot steal, I am sure.”
” Well, but you’ve got to,” they cried. They threatened to duck him, for these wicked big boys had often frightened little boys into robbing gardens for them. Little boys, they thought, were less likely to get found out.
The threat did not frighten Kund, so, to make their words good, they seized him and dragged him into the river, and, in spite of his cries and struggles, plunged him in. But the heroic boy, even with the water gurgling and choking in his throat, never flinched, for he knew that God had said : ” Thou shalt not steal,” and God’s law he had made his law; and no cursing, or threats, or cruelty of the big boys would make him give up. Provoked by his firmness, I suppose, they determined to see if they could not conquer. So they ducked him again, but still it was, ” No, no ; ” and they kept him under water.
Was there no one near to hear his distressing cries, and rescue the poor child from their cruel grip? No ; there was none to rescue him ; and gradually the cries of the drowning child grew fainter and fainter, and his struggles less and less, and the boy was drowned. He could die, but would not steal.
A German boy who had stood near, much frightened by what he saw, ran home to tell the news. The agonized parents hastened to the spot, and all night they searched for the lifeless body of their lost darling. It was found the next morning ; and who shall describe their feelings as they clasped the little form to their bosoms?
Early piety had blossomed in his little life. He loved his Bible and his Savior. His seat was never vacant at Sunday-school, and so intelligent, conscientious and steadfast had he been, that it was expected that he would soon be received into the church of his parents. Perhaps the little boy used often to think how, when he grew up, he would like to be a preacher or a missionary, and do something for his Lord and Master. He did not know what post he might be called to occupy, even as a little child : and, as he left home that afternoon and looked his last look in his mother’s face, he thought he was only going after his cow ; and other boys, and the neighbors, if they saw him, thought so too. They did not then know that instead of going to the pasture, he was going to preach one of the most powerful sermons of Bible law and Bible principles the country ever heard. They did not know that he was going to give an example of steadfastness of purpose and of unflinching integrity, such as should thrill the heart of this nation with wonder and admiration.
He was then only a Norwegian boy, Kund Iverson, only thirteen years old, but his name was soon to be reckoned with martyrs and heroes. And as the story of his moral heroism winged its way from state to state, and city to city, and village to village, how many mothers cried, with full hearts : ” May his spirit rest upon my boy ! ” And strong men have wept over it and exclaimed : “God be praised for the lad ! ” And rich men put their hands in their pockets, and said : ” Let us build him a monument ; let his name be perpetuated, for his memory is blessed.” May there be a generation of Kund Iverson’s, strong in their integrity, true to their Bibles, ready to die rather than do wrong. — The Cynosure.