Turkey Quickies

A first grade class was asked to write a paragraph called “What I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving.” Little Johnny’s began, “I am thankful that I’m not a turkey.”

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes …

… but I told them I couldn’t quit “cold turkey.”

Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.

If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?


What does Thanksgiving have in common with Halloween?


Knock Knock. Who’s there? Norma Lee.

Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don’t eat this much!

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected fowl play.

If your great-grandmother saw you making boxed mashed potatoes …

… she would turn over in her gravy.

What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?  Peach gobbler!

A new survey found that 80% of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?

A poultry-geist!

Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the heck out of us?’

What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving? I liked the leftovers before they were cool.

If Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be known for?
Their age!

What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is the only holiday where you eat the mascot

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?     Pumpkin pi.

What’s the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving?
On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day. On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.

What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google, google!

What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage. What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.

What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he’s in pain? Pil-grimace.

What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.

What do modern day Native Americans call a pilgrim? Pilgrim Reaper.

What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus? Gobbleheads.

What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.

If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.

What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A Har-VEST.

A potato and a sweet potato were playing on the playground. The sweet potato told the potato,”Hey, I just found out I’m related to you.” The potato said,” No you’re are not!” The sweet potato said back,”Yes, I yam.”

The Hand of Thanksgiving

When Mrs. Klein told her first graders to draw a picture of something for which they were thankful, she thought how little these children, who lived in a deteriorating neighborhood, actually had to be thankful for. She knew that most of the class would draw pictures of turkeys or of bountifully laden Thanksgiving tables. That was what they believed was expected of them.

What took Mrs. Klein aback was Douglas’s picture. Douglas was so forlorn and likely to be found close in her shadow as they went outside for recess. Douglas’s drawing was simply this:

A hand, obviously, but whose hand? The class was captivated by his image. “I think it must be the hand of God that brings us food,” said one student.

“A farmer,” said another, “because they grow the turkeys.”

“It looks more like a policeman, and they protect us.” “I think,” said Lavinia, who was always so serious, “that it is supposed to be all the hands that help us, but Douglas could only draw one of them.”

Mrs. Klein had almost forgotten Douglas in her pleasure at finding the class so responsive. When she had the others at work on another project, she bent over his desk and asked whose hand it was.

Douglas mumbled, “It’s yours, Teacher.”

Then Mrs. Klein recalled that she had taken Douglas by the hand from time to time; she often did that with the children. But that it should have meant so much to Douglas …

Perhaps, she reflected, this was her Thanksgiving, and everybody’s Thanksgiving—not the material things given unto us, but the small ways that we give something to others.


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