“Al,” she said, “If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?
“Thirty-four,” Al answered unhesitatingly.
The teacher replied “Well, that’s not far from my actual age. Tell me…how did you guess?”
“Oh, there’s nothing to it,” Al said. “My big sister is seventeen and she’s only half-crazy.”
I was born on the 1st of the month, so they called me Bill!
During a recent hot spell in Atlanta, a bum collapsed on the street. Immediately a crowd gathered and began offering suggestions.
“Give the poor man a drink of whiskey,” a little old lady said.
“Give him some air,” a man cried out.
“Give him some whiskey,” she cried again.
“Give him some water,” another man said.
“Give him some whiskey,” the old lady said yet again.
Several other suggestions were made, and the bum suddenly sat up and hollered, “Will all of you shut up and listen to the little old lady?”
The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she’d pipe up, “Have we reached Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?”
“No, lady, not yet. I’ll let you know,” he replied, time after time.
The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany Falls, and finally the little town came into view. Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the brakes, pulled over and called out, “This is where you get out, lady.”
“Is this Oriskany Falls?”
“YES!” he bellowed. “Get out!”
“Oh, I’m going all the way to Albany, sonny,” she explained sweetly. “It’s just that my daughter told me that when we got this far, I should take my blood pressure pill.”
One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30.
“Good morning,” a young man said sheepishly. “This is your wake-up call.” Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. “You were supposed to call me at 6!,” I complained. “What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?”
“Well, sir,” the desk clerk quickly replied, “if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn’t be staying in this motel!”
Value of A Husband in Navajo Nation
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
After a bit of small talk while resuming the journey, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
“What’s in the bag?” asked the woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.”
The Navajo woman was silent for a moment then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, “Good trade.”
PREVAILING PRAYER FOR A REVIVAL, Published 1893
We knew a preacher, still living, who was appointed to the charge of a church in Springfield, Ill. The church seemed very much depressed. It’s life was at a low ebb. It was in the midst of the harvest, in the hot weather, when things seemed most depressed.
The pastor, a holy man of God, announced on Sabbath evening to a small congregation of a score or two of persons, “There will be a prayer-meeting in this church to-morrow morning at sunrise for the revival of the work of God and for the conversion of sinners.” The people wondered at the notice, and went home.
The pastor went up into his study, which was in the parsonage by the side of the church, and gave that night to prayer. Just as the East began to lighten up a little with the coming day he had the assurance that his prayer was answered, and casts himself down on a sofa for a little rest.
Presently he awoke suddenly to see the sun shining on the wall over his head. He sprang up and looked out of the window to see how late it was, when he saw the sun just rising above the horizon. Looking down into the yard by the church, he was overjoyed to see the church crowded with people, and the yard full, and teams crowding into the street for a long distance. God had heard his prayer, and had sent out his Spirit into the community, and there had been no sleeping in Springfield that night.
People in the country who knew nothing of the appointment got up in the night, hitched up their teams, and drove into town and to the church to find out what the matter was. A good man had taken hold of God. The prayer-meeting began, and was closed that night at eleven o’clock. Several souls were converted. A gracious work broke out, and the community was greatly blessed.
The foregoing we certify to on the highest authority, having it from the lips of the man himself, whom every body knowing him believes as soon as any thing outside of the Bible. We greatly need earnest, persevering, believing prayer. One night of such prayer kept by all the Church would startle the nation. We sorely need a mighty baptism of power. We have all the other elements of success. We lack no machinery. We have truth, and the experience of its saving power and the appliances. What we now need is the outpouring of the Spirit upon us as a people. We must rekindle our fires. We must make our churches centers of saving power.
One hour a day spent by the church in earnest prayer for the revival of God’s work would make the coming year the most memorable in the history of the church. If you do not feel burdened, ask for the spirit of prayer, and that shall be given you. Forsake your sins and leave yourself with Cod, and give yourself to prayer, and all over the land God will hear and answer, and pour out his Spirit, and bestow his power, and make this year a revival year. – Bishop C.H. Fowler