Random Robby Thoughts
I’m going to stay up on New Year’s Eve this year…not to see the New Year in, but to ensure this one leaves.
Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve.December 31st.
I’m proud to announce I stuck to my Last New Years Resolution and did not bite my nails. My feet have never looked better
My new year’s resolution is I’m gonna be less condescending. (Condescending means talking down to people btw )
Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel. Four years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!
Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
Right before the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, make sure to lift up your left leg…You’ll want to start out the New Year on the RIGHT foot.
My New Year revolution is to never use autocorrect again.
Why did China cancel Chinese New Years? Everybody was kung-flu fighting.
“Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals.” – Donna Maria G, age 9
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you.” – Rob P, age 8
“If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better shopping list for it.” – Steven B, age 8
“Moses came down with the Ten Amendments, which were God’s Bill of Wrongs.” – Susie F., age 7
“Doctors automatically know what’s wrong with you. They have a sick sense.” – Beau M., age 10
One Sunday, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed ten $100bills in the offering.
He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly-looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front.
Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”
Pajama-clad tot calling out to family: “I’m going upstairs to say my prayers now. Anyone want anything?”
Human Cannon Ball
After years of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball went to the circus owner and told him he was going to retire.
“But you can’t!” shouted the cigar-chomping boss. “Where am I going to find a man of your caliber?”
As it turned out, the human cannonball who replaced him was hired and fired the same night.
Thirsty Jokers Wait In The Punch Line
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Da-ad…”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?”
“No, you had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…”
“I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?”
“I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!”
Five minutes later: “Daaaa-aaaad…”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”
Gold Wrapping Paper
A mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper.. Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.
Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, ‘This is for you, Momma.’
The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner. ‘Don’t you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there’s supposed to be something inside the package?’
She had tears in her eyes and said, ‘Oh, Momma, it’s not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full. The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.
An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.
Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family and friends… There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
You must be logged in to post a comment.