Father’s Day Humor
What did the drummer name his daughter’s Anna One, Anna Two
Joe: What does your father do for a living?
Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
A book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.
What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice? A Popsicle
Jacob: I have a lot of my dad’s genes.
Dave: Really? I bet they don’t fit.
Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders.
Tiger Cub: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches
A: A nervous wreck
Dad Wisdom: I know what I’m getting for Father’s Day. Last night my daughter asked me what size aftershave I wear.
Dad: Hi, Sweetie, how was school today?
Daughter: You can read all about it on my Facebook, Dad!
“While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss in our family, right?” The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, “Yes, my little princess.” The girl then continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”
Father and son love sunflower seeds, and the son is the spitting image of his dad.
When I was young, I wanted to study archaeology, but my dad thought it was nothing more than a lot of skullduggery …
Why was the ink drop sad? Because her dad was in the pen and she didn’t know how long the sentence would be!
A clown decided to retire and hand over the business to his son. His son said, ‘I don’t know dad, those are big shoes to fill’.
If your dad’s sisters are construction workers you might call them carpenter aunts.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on?
Dad: I don’t think they’ll fit me.
My dad used to carry around a frayed knot in his pocket just an old tied up piece of rope. Then any time someone asked him something and the answer was, “no”, he would just pull out the frayed knot and say, “‘fraid not!” and he would burst out laughing. Nobody else thought it was funny.
Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
A: Aye Matey!
Dad Wisdom: Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Bumble Bee with a doorbell?
A: A Real Hum-dinger.
Q: What does the Gingerbread Man have on his bed?
A: Cookie sheets.
How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier!
Reuben Job is a retired Methodist bishop. Many years ago he was a local church pastor. His young son, Billy, was just entering middle high. Billy went to the first day of class, and they had an assembly that day. Middle high assemblies are riotous events. In this one, they introduced the homeroom teachers. The president of the P.T.A. was doing the introductions. He introduced Miss Smith. Miss Smith was known throughout the school as being a very easy grader, and not much of a disciplinarian. Everyone loved Miss Smith, so when she was introduced the students all cheered, “Right on, Miss Smith!” They were led by the eighth-graders, who had known her longest. Then Mr. Brown, the football coach, was introduced. He was young and handsome and strong, and everybody loved Mr. Brown. The seventh-graders picked up the cheer this time, “Yeah Brown. Yeah Brown!”
The sixth-graders, for whom this was their very first day in the school, and their very first assembly, were a little timid about all this, but they were beginning to get the spirit. They began to join in as the next few teachers were introduced. Then Mr. Johnson was introduced. Mr. Johnson was older. He had a reputation for being strict, for being a strong disciplinarian. When he was introduced there wasn’t a sound in the room. Then somewhere from the student stands someone yelled, “Boo Johnson!” All the students picked it up, and a massive booing sound erupted. The pain was obvious on old Mr. Johnson’s face.
Then for some reason (he doesn’t know why even to this day) little Billy Job, on this first day of school, stood up, and said, “Be quiet! He’s my father!” The place went quiet. Then the kids began to talk, “Johnson has a kid? We didn’t know Johnson had a kid. Who is this kid?” But there was no more booing.
When school was over that day Billy ran home. As he burst through his front door he was sobbing. His dad happened to be home, and just caught him as he came through the door. Billy said, “Daddy, I’ve done a terrible thing. I told a lie at school today.” His father sat down and listened to the whole story. When Billy finished, his father took him in his arms again and said, “Son, you didn’t really lie. You were just mixed up about our family connections. You see, Mr. Johnson isn’t your father. He’s your brother.”