Random Robby Ramblings
Stephen King has a brother named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don’t know how to deal with it.
A man was recently hospitalized with 6 plastic horses inside of him. The doctor is describing his condition as stable.
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them, I can also tell if they are standing.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind it’s tearable.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts
I remember when dad used to roll me down the hill in a tire. Those were Goodyears
Shout out to the people asking what the opposite of in is.\
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch, it may be me.
Bees have the best time right after their marriage – Honey Moon
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”
An eight-year-old little boy was told he needed a leg X-ray. He went in and seemed especially nervous. When he came out of the X-ray room, he told his mother, “They took a picture of my bones.”
“Yes, dear,” replied the mother. “Did everything go all right?”
“Sure,” said the little boy. “It was great. I didn’t even have to take my skin off!”
The salesman reported back to his boss after several weeks on the road and said, “All I got was two orders.”
“What were they? Anything good?”
“Nope,” the salesman replied. “They were ‘Get out!’ and ‘Stay out!'”
Giving The Finger
While visiting my 89-year-old grandfather in the hospital, a nurse came in to check his blood sugar. Before she started, the nurse examined his red fingertips that had been poked numerous times already and said, “Humm…which finger should we use this time that won’t hurt too much?”
“Yours!” my grandfather replied.
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, “What are you doing?!”
The blind man replies, “Just looking around.”
The Not-so -with- it Student texts his Teacher on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen.”
His teacher texts back: “Pour some lukewarm water over it.”
The student texts back 5 minutes later: “Computer completely messed up now.”
A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.
“You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.”
“All right,” said the farmer. “I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board.”
“Anybody else?” asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad.
“Yeah,” the farmer said. “This guy is none too bright. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco.”
“Aha!” the agent roared. “I want to talk to that man!”
“Speaking,” said the farmer.
What do you say when you are comforting a grammar nazi? There, Their, They’re
Here is the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than do the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
The Seven Wonders Of The World
A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present “Seven Wonders of the World.” Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter’s Basilica
7. China’s Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn’t turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list.
The girl replied, “Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.”
The teacher said, “Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.”
The girl hesitated, then read, “I think the ‘Seven Wonders of the World’ are:
1. to see
2. to hear
3. to touch
4. to taste
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love.”
The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
Just a gentle reminder – that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.
“Each day comes bearing its own gifts — learn to untie the ribbons.”
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